


Waiting for Takashi

by DarkPilot



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Also I gave Adam a last name, Angst and Feels, Fluff and Angst, Flying, Galaxy Garrison, Garrison days, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Let Adam Say Fuck, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Sad, We all know how it ends, adam deserved better, adashi, or shadam, or whatever you call it, space, well i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-08-16 17:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16499804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPilot/pseuds/DarkPilot
Summary: Five times Adam waited for Takashi.One time he couldn't.





	1. I. Adonis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adonis: A youth of remarkable beauty, the favorite of Aphrodite, the goddess of love.

Takashi Shirogane had kept him waiting from the start. 

Adam Wright checked his watch for what seemed the fourth time in the same minute, drumming his fingers on the simulation's dash. He wasn't the most patient cadet in the Galaxy Garrison, and the usual restlessness of being fifteen wasn't helping. 

_ Where is he? _

Adam remembered briefly meeting the other cadet at orientation, when they'd been assigned as roommates. Shiro — as he liked to be called — had seemed friendly, if not a little disorganized. His half of their room was already messy and littered with books and posters. 

_ Where is he? _

Adam pushed his glasses up his nose and glanced around. The other cadets, paired up in their sims, were already in the air and ready to start. He barely managed to suppress a frustrated sigh. Out of everyone he could have been paired with, he had to have the cadet that managed to be late on the first day —

"Hey there!"

Adam looked up to see the other boy rush into the simulator and strap himself in. Shiro's jacket was slightly open at the top, and his sleeves were a little rumpled. His pants hadn't been tucked into his boots, and a flush colored his otherwise tan face. 

"Sorry I'm late." Shiro at least had the grace to look sheepish. He started pressing buttons on the dash to initiate the startup sequence. Adam didn't reply, just hit the necessary switches and levers on his side of the console. The sooner they got started, the sooner they could run the sim and the sooner they could get their results. Shiro's hand smacked Adam's as they reached for the final lever at the same time. 

"Sorry," Shiro said quickly, drawing his hand back even quicker.

For some reason, Adam felt his face go warm. "It's all right."

An awkward moment passed in which they each told the other to push the lever, then took it upon themselves to hit it, then wound up in the same situation as before. Shiro looked as flustered as Adam felt. Finally, Adam threw his hands up. "Okay, you hit the damn thing!"

Shiro laughed softly. "Sure."

The simulator lifted gently and tilted to mimic takeoff. Adam had to admit, despite Shiro's lack of punctuality, he was a smooth flier. The screens around them showed relatively clear skies above the desert mountains. Adam adjusted their ship's heading and stabilizers as Shiro pulled them in line with the other simulated ships.

"Now that we're all here," Commander Dos Santos said over the communicators, "let's get started. Today's exercise is meant to familiarize you with the controls of the Adonis shuttles, the ships that first took astronauts to Venus. To compensate for the high gravity levels and dense atmosphere, the Adonis has a bulkier frame and tougher heat shields. As I'm sure you've noticed, it also takes two to pilot one of these, so you're going to have to work with your partner to get through the course." 

A flight path lit up on the screen in front of them. Shiro glanced at Adam with a small smile. "Ready?"

"When you are," Adam replied.

"Let's go!" Shiro pushed his throttle forward, and Adam hit the rear thrusters switch to gun the engines forward. Beside them, the other shuttles leaped forward. 

The pre-programmed route took them through the mountains and into the desert canyons. The scenery was rather monotonous in color, but the outcroppings and rocky terrain made for interesting obstacles. 

"Banking thirty-five degrees," Shiro announced, tilting the shuttle to avoid a sharp cliff.

"Overhang at two," Adam responded, pushing a few buttons. "Adjusting for the dive."

"Little more power on the left one," Shiro said. "We don't want to hit that column when we pull out."

"Compensating." Adam pulled up the engine status and rerouted the power. "Okay, you're clear."

"How are the stabilizers?"

"They're good, but we need to level out before we start listing." Adam scanned the scenery ahead. "The opening between those boulders looks wide enough for us to fly out of the canyon for a bit, level out, and then re-enter before the next outcropping."

"Sounds like a plan." Shiro tapped his fingers against his throttle. "How long do we stay out?"

"Four seconds max," Adam said. "The shuttle could probably survive six, but we don't want to risk it with those outcroppings."

"Four seconds it is," Shiro nodded. "Pulling up."

"Engaging stabilizers."

Adam chanced a glance at the other cadet. Shiro was quietly counting the seconds as he tapped his fingers against the throttle. The shuttle leveled out, and Adam flipped the switches to decrease thruster power.

"Beginning descent," Shiro called.

"Roger that."

"How are surroundings?"

"Environment seems stable," Adam said. "We keep following the path, I think we're good."

"And the other ships?"

"Other ships?"

"Yeah." Shiro didn't take his eyes off the flight path. "On the off chance someone does crash, we don't want them crashing into us."

Adam mentally smacked himself for not having thought of that himself. He pulled up the scanners. "Right. Everyone seems to be keeping formation. We're in the lead, so rear activity shouldn't give us too much trouble. There's no one in our blind spots."

"All right." One corner of Shiro's mouth curved upward. "Banking minus twelve degrees."

"Heading at five-point-two."

"Leveling."

"Boulders at eleven and two. Bank seventeen."

"Banking seventeen degrees. Adjusting heading to three-point-nine."

The simulator rattled a bit as the right side of the shuttle came a little too close to the rock. Both cadets rocked forward, their safety harnesses keeping them in place.

"Sorry about that," Shiro said. "You okay?"

"You're a little wider than you think," Adam replied. "Adjust heading to four-point-three."

"Adjusting heading." Shiro made the necessary adjustments and glanced over at him. "How's she doing?"

"Checking that now." Adam ran a systems diagnostic while he leveled the stabilizers again. "You made a small dent, but the Adonis' armor plating is still strong. No hull damage."

"Just a paint scratch, then."

"Yeah." Adam found himself smiling. "Keep the heading, bank minus fourteen."

"It's going to take more than fourteen degrees to get around that." Shiro nodded at the rocky column they were approaching. "Banking minus twenty."

Shiro was right. There had been an outcropping that Adam hadn't seen. Shiro twisted the shuttle around and took a quick dive to avoid the rocks. His handling was smooth and effortless even though Adam could barely keep up with thruster and stabilizer compensations.

"You're a little fast," Adam admitted, his hands darting between buttons and switches. 

"Sorry." Shiro relaxed his speed a fraction. "This better?"

"Yeah." It wasn't, not really, but Adam could manage. After all, if Shiro was going to be his partner for the rest of the doubles training, he'd have to learn to keep up. Adam watched Shiro's movements from the corner of his eye. He soon realized that the other cadet would relax his grip on the throttle ever so slightly before making a banking adjustment. Shiro's fingers kept tapping against the stick, counting out each movement and measuring the next one. 

Shiro opened his mouth to call a heading, but Adam beat him to it. "Heading at four-point-one. Gotcha."

"Stabilizers?"

"Ready to bank."

"Banking —"

"Minus fifteen degrees," they said together. They exchanged a momentary look of surprise, quickly replaced by matching determined smiles.

"Leveling out?"

"Ready to level."

"Increasing elevation —"

" — point-zero-six. Advised heading at —" 

" — five-point-oh. Starting bank at seventeen —"

" — nineteen degrees to compensate for the narrower canyon."

"Copy that." Adam didn't miss the smirk on Shiro's face. He deliberately looked elsewhere and almost missed the last obstacle. Shiro jerked his throttle forward. "Careful!"

"Sorry." Adam pushed his glasses up. "Decreasing starboard thruster power."

"Copy. Get ready with the portside thrusters."

"Beginning descent."

"Elevation decreasing and steady. Decreasing portside power."

Shiro landed the shuttle gracefully, like a dancer settling into a final pose. Once all the system controls had been reset, Adam chanced a glance in the other cadet's direction to watch his technique. There didn't seem to be anything particularly special that Shiro was doing to make the ride smoother. He seemed relaxed and content, as if he had grown up in the cockpit. Shiro's breaths were calm and measured, the seconds escaping through his steady tapping. He looked in Adam's direction, and Adam quickly turned his attention back to his own console.

They touched down and finished the landing sequence. Shiro was careful not to knock Adam's hand again, which left him feeling both satisfied and a little disappointed. The screen went black, and the cockpit lights came on. 

"Simulation complete," the voice intoned. "Please exit carefully."

"All right!" Shiro grinned as the back door hissed open. He held up a fist. "I bet we're at the top of the class already."

"Yeah." Adam hesitantly returned the fist bump and unstrapped himself. 

"Sorry again for being late," Shiro said. He looked like he meant it. "I'll make it up to you sometime. Adam, right? I mean, you're Adam, right, with an r, not a w, uh, because that's your last name, right? I mean, Wright? I mean —"

Adam laughed a little at Shiro's rambling. "Yeah, I'm Adam Wright. You're Shiro. It's not that hard."

Shiro stood up first, and Adam followed. Shiro smiled at him. "I'll figure it out."

"Yes, you will."

Adam exited the sim first, Shiro close behind. Around them, the other cadets in their class were disembarking from their simulators. Many were stretching tiredly or giving each other frustrated looks. Adam hardly felt fatigued — in fact, he felt great. 

Above the row of simulators, the score reports loaded on a large glowing screen. As Shiro had predicted, he and Adam were at the top of the list, leading the pack by a considerable margin. Commander Dos Santos ordered the cadets in line. Shiro's shoulder brushed Adam's as they scrambled to their positions.

Dos Santos walked down the line, finally stopping in front of them. His hands were folded behind his back, his eyes both warm and serious. "Wright, Shirogane."

"Sir!" Their hands snapped to their foreheads in unison.

"Step forward, you two, and face your classmates."

Adam's heart pounded as he took the step, inching forward slightly to match Shiro's longer stride. He and Shiro twisted around simultaneously in an about face, hands at their sides. Adam found a speck on the wall opposite them and stared at it, trying to reduce his fidgeting. He wasn't used to being singled out. He much preferred staying in the middle of a class, breezing by quickly and unnoticeably. Shiro, on the other hand, seemed to be more at ease, his level gaze challenging anyone who dared meet it. 

Not challenging, Adam realized,  _ confirming _ . Shiro knew he was better than the rest of their class, and he wasn't afraid to show that. But he wasn't arrogant about it, either. His dark eyes gleamed with a quiet confidence, like an alpha wolf silently asserting his place in his pack. 

"Let's watch their performance," Dos Santos said, nodding to the officers in the upper control room. The large screen blinked to life with the video of Adam and Shiro's flight. Watching the video, Adam realized that Shiro had been watching him during the flight a lot more than he'd thought. Only halfway through had he started returning Shiro's careful glances and understanding what they meant. By the end of it, Adam found himself smiling as he watched himself and Shiro stand up and freeze in the last frame of the recording.

"Teamwork," Dos Santos pronounced. "That's what the Adonis is meant to teach you. Many of you wound up arguing and fighting for control in your own pairs, which led to some failures and many danger potentials. You all can take a lesson from Wright and Shirogane in working together. I didn't hear a single negative remark from their cabin the entire flight. Notice how they were watching each other and making sure that they were both ready before making a move. That's how you fly these ships. When we turn you loose in the real world, there are going to be some problems and some missions that you just can't finish on your own. You're going to need teams and partners, but more importantly, you're going to need friends." He smiled at Adam and Shiro. "Good work, you two."

"Thank you, sir." Shiro saluted, and Adam followed suit. Dos Santos returned the salute, and they lowered their hands.

"All of you, back in," Dos Santos ordered. "Let's see if we can improve those scores."

Shiro clapped Adam on the back as they returned to their simulator. "Ready to set a new record?"

"Ready when you are," Adam smiled.

Shiro strapped himself in and began the startup sequence even more enthusiastically than before. "By the way, my first name's Takashi."

"Takashi," Adam repeated slowly, rolling the syllables around on his tongue as he performed his part of the startup. 

"That's me." 

"Which one do you like better?"

"Up to you." There it was again, that smile. "Most people call me Shiro, so if you want to be different, then, well, there you go."

"I think I'm most people," Adam admitted. "Not quite different yet."

"Yet," Shiro echoed, raising an eyebrow. This time, he let Adam hit the final switch.

Their shuttle lifted and leveled out with the others on the screen. The flight path materialized before them again. Shiro rolled his shoulders and looked at Adam.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

* * *

Commander Dos Santos had them run the sim three more times before lunch. After their final run, Shiro finally seemed to notice that his uniform was rather unkempt. "I should probably fix this before someone comes along and marks me down."

"That'd be a good idea," Adam agreed. "Don't forget to tuck your laces in."

"Will do."

There was a brief and awkward silence. Finally, Shiro finished cleaning himself up, and the two of them exited the simulator and headed for the door, saluting Dos Santos on the way out.

"Cadet Shirogane," Dos Santos said before Shiro could leave. "Can I have a word?"

Adam hesitated, not sure whether to wait outside or go on. 

Shiro waved at him. "I'll catch up with you later."

"If you say so." Hands in his pockets, Adam headed down the hall with the other students. He chanced a peek over his shoulder. Shiro's back was turned to him, but it looked to Adam like the other cadet was rolling up his sleeves. He made a mental note to ask Shiro about it later.

But Shiro didn't turn up for lunch. In fact, Adam didn't see him again for the rest of the day. When he returned to their dorm, he found it disappointingly quiet. He knocked on the door before keying in. "Shiro?"

Nothing. 

Adam changed out of his cadet uniform and crashed on his bed, feeling underneath the sheets for the sketchbook he'd left there. He uncapped his favorite pen and started drawing, quick and hasty sketches of their room, of people and ships and places he'd seen. The few hours before lights-out flew by under the scratching of his pen on the paper, but still no sign of Shiro.

"Lights out in ten," the guard in the hallway intoned. 

Adam hopped off his bed and lightly stepped up to the door to their room. He peeked his head out and looked up and down the hallway. Some of the other cadets were standing around in twos and threes, talking in low voices. No Shiro.

"You'd better not be late again," Adam muttered. He went back into their room, running both hands through his hair. Crossing his arms, he studied Shiro's half of the room. There were a few books stacked on his nightstand, old science-fiction titles like  _ Stranger in a Strange Land _ and  _ 2001: A Space Odyssey  _ and  _ Brave New World. _ One Galaxy Garrison poster with the Calypso shuttle, three others for movies Adam had never heard of. 

Adam noticed a picture sticking out of  _ Stranger in a Strange Land _ and carefully opened the book. A younger Shiro beamed at him in a martial arts uniform, holding up a gold medal. Two women had their arms around him, one with her dark hair in a messy bun and wearing a similar uniform. The other had her other arm outstretched past the camera, freckles splashing her round face.

Whoever they were, Adam could feel the love and happiness radiating from the picture as though he'd been there. He carefully turned the picture over. Nothing, no date, no script. Adam put the picture back and closed the book, feeling somehow like he'd overstepped a boundary. He returned to his bed and opened his sketchbook again just as the keypad outside beeped softly.

"Hey," Shiro said, tucking his keycard into his pocket.

Adam did his best to act like he'd been in his bed doodling for the past hour. "Where've you been?"

"Ah, nowhere." Shiro unfastened his belt and unzipped his jacket. "Here and there."

"Those are two different answers," Adam noted. "Which is it?"

"Here and there," Shiro decided. "Dos Santos just had a couple questions. No big deal."

Adam decided to let it go. "You almost missed curfew."

"Yeah, I know." Shiro kicked off his boots and lined them up near the door. "Had to take a late dinner."

Adam shut his sketchbook and frowned at the other cadet. "You seem kind of skittish."

"Well, I almost had to run to get here before the guards caught me," Shiro amended. "Right after I had to find out what work I missed in which classes because the stupid doctor kept me too long."

"Doctor?"

Shiro cursed under his breath. "Uh, complicated medical stuff. Kinda boring, really. No big deal."

Adam swung his legs over the side of his bed. "Is that why you were late to class this morning?"

Shiro's hesitation was Adam's confirmation.

Adam stood up and walked over to the other cadet, keeping a fair distance between them. "Are you okay?"

Shiro wouldn't meet Adam's eyes. "Look, whatever I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone else, got it?"

"Got it."

"There's this rare disease that makes people's muscles stiffen and deteriorate," Shiro said slowly. "It starts out small, like cramps and stuff, but then it gets bad, like strokes and heart attacks and stuff like that. No one really knows why it happens or where it came from, and as far as we know, there's no cure yet. I mean, people that have it usually get to live pretty normal lives, but in some cases . . ."

Adam couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Oh."

Shiro rolled up his sleeves, showing a pair of bracelets on his wrists. "My doctor got me these before I got into the Garrison. They're supposed to help keep my muscles loose, but we're still looking at other options. Dos Santos just wanted to make sure that the flight classes aren't too hard on me." He rolled his sleeves down. "I'm doing fine, but I get it if you want to switch partners or something —"

"Why would I do that?" Adam interrupted. 

Shiro seemed taken off-guard. "Well, I mean, most people wouldn't want to be partners with someone like me with a condition like mine . . ."

"Well, I'm not most people," Adam decided. "I'm not trading you out. Period. No arguing. Besides, were you even in class today? No way I'm flying with anyone else in there."

Shiro laughed and sat down, tugging off his jacket. "Yeah, the scores were a little sad."

Adam sat down on his own bed facing Shiro. "You know, I was really pissed at you being late this morning."

"I could tell." Shiro stretched and put on a simple white Garrison T-shirt. "You get this look in your eyes."

"Really? Me?"

"Yeah, you." Shiro laughed again. "You really know how to glare. You almost reminded me of Lieutenant Iverson."

That got Adam laughing. He scrunched up his face and mimicked the instructor's perpetually grumpy voice. "The Galaxy Garrison exists to turn young and spritely cadets like you into the next generation of elite space explorers! Don't be a waste of our extremely valuable resources!"

Shiro fell on his side laughing. "That is a  _ terrible _ impression, and I hope he makes you run laps for it someday."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Who said he had to know?"

Shiro sat up again, his laughter dying. "Just promise me one thing."

"Yeah?"

"Don't try to make exceptions for me because of all this," Shiro said, gesturing to himself. "People at my old school used to say I'd never be able to amount to much just because my muscles don't work like everyone else's. The instructors here are already trying to treat me differently, and I hate that. That's why I usually don't tell people, because then they don't see me, they just see the medical records."

Adam nodded. "Okay. No exceptions, no telling."

Shiro smiled. "Wanna know another secret?"

"What?"

"I'm going to be the best pilot the Garrison has ever seen," Shiro said, leaning forward. "I'm going to be so good that no one ever looks at me and thinks,  _ that's the guy with that one disease. _ I want people to look at me and think,  _ that's the guy that went to the edge of the universe and back. _ "

If someone else had said that, Adam might have laughed it off. No one their age could ever come up with a goal like that, disease or no disease. But there was something in Shiro's voice that made Adam believe him. There was something in Shiro's voice that made Adam feel like he was intruding on one of history's rare but carefully planned moments. There was something in Shiro's voice that made Adam wonder if Shiro could possibly be his ticket to making it in the Garrison.

There was something in Shiro's voice that made Adam ask,  "Mind if I come along for the ride?"


	2. II. Prometheus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prometheus: A champion of mankind revered for his wily intelligence, who stole fire from the gods and gave it to men.

The ride had taken them years of training and practicing and learning alongside each other, with the occasional field trip to the Moon. Adam had gradually figured out that he'd just have to get used to waiting on his friend. Patience was just something he'd have to learn. Not that he minded as much as he used to.

Shiro liked to spend a lot of his free time in the gym, running laps and doing whatever exercises his doctors would recommend. After a few months of trying to puzzle out the other cadet's schedule, Adam decided to join him. They'd been running together for four years now.

In that time, Adam had learned quite a bit about Shiro. For example, the other cadet had been adopted by his aunt, a martial arts instructor, and her wife, a computer science teacher, but he just referred to them as his moms. His birth mother had died in childbirth from the same disease that haunted him now. He'd taken karate and gymnastics up until he got accepted into the Garrison. He had a cat at home named Nero. He loved classic sci-fi and Studio Ghibli movies. He hated soy sauce. He wasn't supposed to drink coffee, but every once in a while, he'd sneak a packet of instant coffee from the instructors' lounge and mix it with milk. He had a hoverbike that he had built himself and liked to work on when he was under stress. He insisted that its name was the _Oklahoma Freedom Eagle,_ to which Adam had nearly spit out his tea laughing.

After their final laps for the evening, they retreated into the locker room. Shiro unscrewed his water bottle and took a large drink from it. His electro-stimulators beeped softly, and he quieted them with a few button presses.

"Something up?" Adam asked, stretching his arms over his head.

Shiro gave him a sideways kind of smile. "That obvious?"

"You run faster when you've got something on your mind," Adam pointed out. He took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt. "I keep telling you, excessive sweating is not good for glasses."

Shiro tossed him a towel. "Can't relate."

"Is it about the Saturn mission?"

"How'd you guess." It was more of a statement than a question. Shiro wrapped his own towel around his head and wiped at his forehead. "Guess who just got approved to go?"

"No way!"

Shiro threw his towel in the air and pumped a fist like a little kid. "We're finally going to unexplored space, Adam!"

Shiro's excitement was contagious, and Adam couldn't help the stupid grin that came over his face. "Oh my gosh, this is so great — I can't believe it!"

"Me, neither," Shiro said breathlessly. "You could finally meet my moms at the launch! And my cat!"

"Is that allowed?" Adam asked. "The cat?"

"Garrison rules say friends and family," Shiro said. "So yes. Nero is definitely allowed. I haven't told my moms yet, but we can surprise them later."

"You didn't tell your moms that you're going on one of the longest space missions in history?" Adam lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, I told them that I applied," Shiro explained. "That was about a month ago. And we got approved this morning. I ran into Commander Holt before I came here, and he told me. He said he'd find you to tell you, but I guess I beat him to it."

"Oh. Wow. Okay." For some reason, Shiro's smile gave Adam a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Thanks."

Shiro clapped Adam's shoulder. "We start training next week." He laughed softly. "I still can't believe it. We're going to _Saturn_ , Adam. It's going to be just like _2001."_ "

"Yeah, except we're not going to get killed by some psycho computer and get turned into giant babies," Adam joked. "Hope you don't mind being stuck in a spaceship with me for a couple years."

"I've been stuck in a room with you for longer than that," Shiro said, punching Adam's shoulder. "I don't think a spaceship will be too much worse."

"Thanks for badgering them for me," Adam smiled, remembering Shiro's insistence that they go together, despite Adam's vision disqualifying him from piloting deep-space missions. Like the Adonis, the Prometheus ships were designed for two pilots, one in the low-orbit command shuttle, one in the all-terrain landing module. Shiro had argued that since they would be flying together for the majority of the mission and also since they'd flown together to the Moon and terrestrial planets plenty of thimes, he could compensate for the _vastly unlikely probability that Adam's imperfect vision would overshadow his technical ability and potentially compromise the mission._

Those had been Shiro's exact words. Another thing that Adam had learned about the other cadet was that he could be a powerful speaker. Shiro claimed it was because he was well-read. Adam had countered simply by saying, "So if someone ever comes up with a plan to destroy Earth and the only way to stop him was by quoting the foreword in _2001: A Space Odyssey_ backwards, could you save us?"

At lunch the very next day, Shiro had set down his tray and deadpanned the entire foreword of _2001: A Space Odyssey_ backwards. Twice. Adam had to run to the Garrison library and find a copy to check him the second time.

"What's that smile for?"

"Just remembering that time when you quoted _2001_ 's foreword backwards," Adam said honestly.

"For the record, I have no idea what it is forwards," Shiro admitted.

Adam laughed at that. "That's okay. The survival of Earth is only dependent on you knowing it backwards."

"Sure." Shiro took his bag out of his locker and rummaged in it. "By the way, I got you something."

"Huh?"

"You know, to celebrate going to space and all." Shiro pulled out a small black notebook and a matching black box. "Didn't have time to wrap it or anything, since I had maybe ten minutes, but I thought you might like it."

Adam carefully took the notebook and box from Shiro, holding them both with unsteady fingertips. The Garrison logo was etched in silver on the box, the word _Olympus_  across the side. He recognized it immediately and stared at Shiro in disbelief. "You didn't."

Shiro grinned. "I did."

"You got me a zero-g pen?" Adam opened the box and slowly lifted the pen out. It was sleek and silver and so shiny that Adam almost feared leaving fingerprints on it. He tilted it gently, listening for the soft whirs of the gyroscopes inside.

"Well, you're always drawing something, and I figured we'd have a lot of time to kill in between flying to Saturn and picking up rocks there," Shiro shrugged. "And normal pens don't work in space because of ink and gravity or something. Science. Also, they look cool."

"Yeah," Adam breathed. "Wow, Shiro. This is — I never thought — thank you."

"You're welcome."

Adam put the pen back in its box and put it in his own bag along with his new notebook. "I owe you one."

"Nah." Shiro waved a hand. "You don't owe anything for a gift."

"Thanks, Shiro," Adam said again. Before he could change his mind, he hugged his friend. Adam usually wasn't big on physical contact beyond high fives and shoulder pats, so the hug came as a surprise to both of them. Both of them were sweaty and breathless, and Adam's glasses were getting a little squished, so it didn't last long. Still, they parted with huge smiles on their faces. Shiro looked like he was going to say something else, but he didn't.

It was halfway back to their room when Shiro suddenly exploded, "Why did the Garrison invent zero-g pens when we have _pencils‽"_

* * *

 

That had been two years ago. Now, the pen was tucked in Adam's front pocket, trembling against his chest as he repeated, "Shiro, come _in!"_

Static. Some bursts were louder than others, but whatever Shiro might have been saying on the other end was completely incomprehensible. Adam pulled up his system diagnostics, trying to ignore the alarms that were ringing on his console. He couldn't steer the shuttle any closer without being listing towards Saturn's rings, the same danger field of rocks and ice that Shiro and Commander Holt were currently lost in.

"Shiro, _please_ ," Adam called again.

Unexpected surface storms had caused some of the ring debris to shift. The small moon that Shiro and Holt had landed on had collided with another icy rock, resulting in both objects plummeting to the cloudy yellow storm below. If the module had been destroyed, however, Adam's scanners would have shown that. And it was still intact.

For now.

Adam switched frequencies, hailing the Garrison. "There's still no sign of them. Are you getting a reading?"

"Adam, pull up!" It was Lieutenant Montgomery, her voice urgent. "You're getting too close to the debris field!"

 _"Do you have a reading?"_ Adam pressed, ignoring her command. The shuttle's structural integrity was holding, but his visuals were limited. It was taking most of his concentration to keep the ship level and in a marginally safe orbit. He couldn't stand to look at the empty seat next to him, instead hailing the module again. "Shiro! Shiro, you son of a bitch, _come in!"_

Static.

Before their launch, they'd been briefed on the dangers of going on such a long space flight. Adam and Shiro and Commander Holt had all signed off on the risks as Flight Command breathed the fine print down their necks. Adam and Shiro had flown together to the terrestrial planets plenty of times, while Holt treated Asteroid Belt-distance missions like holidays to the Bahamas. Shiro had been confident that they could handle this. As they strapped themselves in to take off, Shiro had lightly touched Adam's shoulder and reassured him that everything would go fine.

But now, it wasn't.

"Shiro!"

"Adam, you have to pull up!"

_"Can you see them?"_

"Adam, you'll be no use to them with a damaged ship — you have to pull up!"

A frustrated grunt escaped through gritted teeth. Adam tried again. "Shiro!"

The static bursts grew louder. Adam could almost fool himself into thinking it sounded like English. He almost heard his name. He almost heard Shiro say, "We're coming. It's okay."

Adam felt the stall before the flashing red lights screamed at him. Montgomery was right. He couldn't hold out much longer in his current position. Reluctantly, hating himself for it, Adam pulled the shuttle up.

"Do you have a reading?" Adam checked his own scanners again and again, desperately wishing for some sort of alert or confirmation. A crazy thought entered his mind — could God hear prayers in space?

"Hang on."

 _Hang on_ were the two words that no astronaut ever wanted to hear. _Hang on_ was Mission Control's way of sugarcoating _We have no idea what's happening, and it's unlikely that we're going to find a solution, but we need you to stay calm anyway._

Adam shook his head anxiously and pushed up his glasses. "Shiro, are you there?" He tried a different channel. "Shiro?" He rewired his communications console. "Shiro?" He boosted the shuttle's frequency as far as it was safe. "Shiro?"

The static, though still present, died down.

Desperation broke Adam's voice as he ran the numbers for fuel in his head. He could only wait for about an hour and a half; otherwise, he wouldn't have enough fuel to make it home. "Takashi . . . don't make me go back alone. Please."

His mind was whisked back to the day of the launch, Shiro and Commander Holt had gathered at the platform with their families. (Unfortunately, Shiro's cat had been vetoed because Holt was allergic to it.) Adam had watched from a fair distance as Shiro's moms hugged and kissed him, while Holt's son and daughter peppered him with questions and played with their dog.

Adam's own father hadn't been interested in coming, and it wasn't because he didn't want to see the launch.

Adam had caught Colleen Holt's eye while her husband was talking with their children. She came over to him and introduced herself with the grace that only a patient mother and wife of a frequently-absent astronaut could exude. "Are you alone?"

Adam had shrugged. "My dad and I aren't close." For some reason, he'd also added, "Not since I came out."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Colleen said sympathetically.

"It was a while ago." Adam tried to laugh it off. "I figured he'd have gotten over it by now."

"Some people are hard to convince and easy to disappoint." Colleen touched his arm gently. "It might seem like they're everywhere, but those kinds of people are really just few and far between in the world." She nodded in Shiro's direction with a smile. "I think it'd be a good idea for you to meet your boyfriend's parents, especially if you're going to be in space with him for the next few years."

Adam momentarily forgot how to exist. "Sorry, what?"

Colleen laughed as Shiro came over. "Hi, Mrs. Holt, can I borrow Adam for a bit?"

"Of course." When Shiro's back was momentarily turned, she winked at Adam, who felt his face heat up.

"You ready for this?" Shiro grinned as he led Adam to his parents.

"Yeah," Adam stammered. He waved nervously. He'd seen Shiro's moms only once before, in the picture he found in _Stranger in a Strange Land_ all those years ago. They hadn't changed much, but he felt a strange tingling in his stomach at the thought of finally meeting them.

"You must be Adam," Shiro's dark-haired mother said, shaking his hand. "I'm Hikari."

Shiro's other, freckled mother smiled. "I'm Jamie. Takashi's told us so much about you."

"Nice to meet you," Adam said politely, not sure what else to say.

"You boys better take care of each other up there," Jamie said, planting her hands on her hips. "Otherwise, I'm going up there and bringing you back on a child leash."

"Don't worry," Shiro said, throwing an arm around Adam's shoulders. "We'll be back before you know it."

Hikari laughed and stood on tiptoe to ruffle Shiro's hair. "Just remember, patience yields focus, Takashi."

Shiro ducked out from under his mother's hand. "You've been saying that since I was six!"

"And I'll keep saying that until you're sixty." Hikari hugged her son, and Jamie put her arms around both of them. Adam caught Shiro's eyes momentarily; there was something in his eyes that Adam had never seen before, some bittersweet look that knew, _I'm not going to make it that far._ The look quickly disappeared as Shiro buried his face in Jamie's shoulder.

Adam had been left standing awkwardly for a total of three seconds before Hikari had poked her head up and called, "Adam, you'd better get in here before you find out what a Shirogane family tackle feels like!"

That had been two years ago.

Now, as Adam thought of Shiro's moms, he dreaded what he might have to say to them if Shiro didn't show up in the next hour. Jamie and Hikari had made him feel welcome and loved for the few minutes he'd known them. He already didn't want to disappoint either one of them, especially with the very real possibility that —

No. Adam wouldn't allow himself to think like that. He rubbed at his eyes under his glasses, the sleeve of his flight suit quickly growing soaked. "Takashi, please, don't make me wait. I — I can't — Takashi, just _come in_ already, don't leave me here — "

Like a miracle, words started piercing the bursts of static. " —dam, are — here — Adam — "  

Adam scrambled upright, his hands dashing across instrumentation to find the signal. His lungs seemed to be pushing out five breaths every second. "I'm here, I'm here, I'm here — "

"Adam, thank God — " Adam could hear the faint noises of cheers and shouts from the Mission Control channel as Shiro's voice became clearer. There was a soft crackle and an _oof_ noise. "Sam Hol — are a f — king genius!"

" _Language,_ Shiro, honestly!" Despite the rebuke, there was no mistaking the joy in Holt's voice.

A relieved sort of laugh bubbled in Adam's throat. "Takashi, you're all right."

There was a brief silence and a quiet, sniffling inhale. "Yeah, Adam, I'm all right."

"Where are you?"

"Not really sure," Shiro answered. "Sam just got our radio working again, but we're a little lost on navigation."

"We can see you," Holt added. "We just can't scan for dangers. That collision decimated our power levels, so we're trying to reroute from unnecessary systems."

"What can I do?" Adam asked, fingering the pen in his front pocket.

"I'm afraid nothing for now," Holt admitted. "The Prometheus is too big to navigate the ring fields. We're going to have to come to you, but our docking mechanisms are damaged."

"Can you still fly?" That was Lieutenant Hedrick, one of the ship's engineers back at the Garrison.

It was Shiro who answered. "We've got two of three engines working. It might not be pleasant, but I think I can get us out of here."

"Is there really nothing I can do from the shuttle?" Adam repeated, tangling his hair in his hands. He hated the feeling of helplessness that all-too-often accompanied waiting.

"Keep your orbit and heading," said Lieutenant Montgomery. "As long as you can stay level, Sam and Shiro have a better chance of making it back."

"But what about the docking problem?" Holt reminded them.

"Hang on."

There was silence for a while. Then, Shiro said quietly, "Stranger far be will always as truth the."

Adam took off his glasses and wiped at his eyes again as Shiro continued, "Fiction of work a only is this remember please but. Question reasonable very that to answer possible one is here. Indeed, not why. Space into venture to about are ourselves we since already occurred not meetings such have why — "

Perhaps Adam had been circling above Saturn at the edge of his sanity for a little too long. Perhaps Adam hadn't expected that Shiro still had that damn page memorized backwards, and its recitation was an extremely welcome distraction from the precarious situation at hand. Perhaps Adam was just too relieved and too happy that his fellow crewmembers were, at the moment, all right. Perhaps Adam had finally reached that point of high anxiety at which a man completely and utterly lacks impulse control and says the first thing that comes into his mind when something familiar, however stupid it is, presents itself to him.

Perhaps Adam finally understood why Colleen Holt had winked at him and why Jamie and Hikari Shirogane had so quickly and unquestioningly invited him into their family circle.

Breathlessly, half laughing, half crying, Adam whispered, "I fucking love you, Takashi."

Shiro stopped mid-sentence. Sam Holt said something incomprehensible but insistent, and Shiro — no, _Takashi —_ responded, just as soft, just as careful, "I love you, too, Adam."

"Please — "

"I know — "

"Don't let me — "

"You won't have to  — "

Adam rested his hand on the communications console, imagining Takashi doing the same on the other side. The zero-gravity pen in his pocket suddenly felt so heavy as his heart pounded against it.

"We'll figure something out," Takashi promised. "We'll figure something out."

It seemed like an eternity before Mission Control came back online. Montgomery's voice was determined. "I think we have a solution. It's risky, but it's the best we've got."

"We're listening," Sam said.

"First of all, Shiro's going to have to pilot you out of the ring field," Montgomery said. "Then you're going to have to turn the module around so that the entry hatch fits into the airlock. Adam, we'll need you to steer the Prometheus to the heading we're sending you. Shiro, you'll have to keep the module steady in the airlock while Sam gets in the shuttle. Afterwards, you're going to have to shut down module engines and board quickly before the module falls back towards Saturn. External airlock stays open for the entire procedure. Once Sam and Shiro are safe, Adam, close it down and resume orbit until we give you an all clear. We're going to have to abandon the module."

"Copy," Takashi said. "How long?"

"Thirty-four minutes. Good luck."

Guide lights appeared on Adam's navigation screen, and he steered the Prometheus into the proper heading. Those thirty-four minutes would pass by either really quickly or really slowly. He still couldn't see the module from the shuttle's cockpit, but he opened up the main rear airlock.

"Airlock open," Adam reported. "Clear to fly."

"Copy," Takashi answered. "We're on our way."

"Initiating main engine sequence now," Sam said. "Get ready, Shiro."

"Ready."

There was a loud crackle of static, accompanied by the two men shouting incomprehensible things at one another as, Adam assumed, the module took off. He pushed up his glasses again. When they slipped, he slid them off and wiped his face. Sweating a lot wasn't good for glasses.

"We've taken off and we're still alive," Takashi reported, his voice strained with concentration. "The two engines we have seem to be working okay."

"ETA?" Adam asked.

"By my calculations, eleven minutes," Sam said.

"So, Adam." Adam could hear Takashi's efforts to keep his tone light. "Besides the fact that we're mildly stuck above Saturn and are caught in the aftermath of a cosmic storm with only a few space rocks to take back to Earth and Sam and I are currently flying a module with a broken engine into your airlock — how are you?"

If he was trying to be funny, it wasn't working.

"Takashi," Adam said, "you have a terrible sense of humor."

"Just trying to lighten the mood." There was a pause. "You know, there's this one pretty good Japanese fusion place I know in Plaht City. It's the only place that makes udon as good as my mom's. Anyway, I was wondering — "

"Are you seriously trying to ask me on a date while you're flying in a debris field?" Adam said disbelievingly. "In _space?"_

"Well, yeah." Adam could almost hear the smile in Takashi's voice. "I figured we should start somewhere. What do you think?"

"I'm in," Adam whispered. His eyes threatened to grow wet again, and he wiped at them with the backs of his hands. "It better be one hell of a dinner."

"It will be," Takashi promised. "I'll drive you there, on the _Oklahoma Freedom Eagle._ It'll be sunny, maybe a few clouds in the sky."

"No uniforms," Adam added. "No suits, either. Just, you know, casual-casual."

"I'll wear my Captain Kirk shirt with an Ewok beanie."

"You're going to get murdered by half the people in Plaht City, Takashi."

"All right, no beanie. Too warm for that, anyway."

"Yeah."

"Maybe we'll go out into the desert after that? Stargazing, maybe?"

"I'll bring tea."

Takashi laughed. "Country boy."

" _Desert_ boy," Adam corrected. "There's a difference. I drink the kind of tea that comes from leaves."

"You two are just adorable," Sam announced. Adam had nearly forgotten that the commander was listening in on every word of the conversation, and his cheeks heated up. "Anyway, we're coming up on the airlock."

"Prometheus steady and holding," Adam confirmed. "Commander, you're clear to enter when ready."

"Docking now," Takashi said. "Sam, you go ahead."

"All right, I'm on my way."

There were cameras in the airlock, but Adam couldn't directly access them from the cockpit. He just folded his hands and prayed. He wasn't the most religious of people, but his Presbyterian roots gave him a healthy appreciation of some kind of higher power. Sometimes, when the waiting got to be too long or too hard, Adam would just close his eyes and imagine himself in the desert, spilling his stress into the endless dunes.

"I'm in," Sam reported. "Your turn, Shiro."

"All right, I'm coming up."

"Hurry," Sam warned. "The module won't hold for long."

The module's communicator signal died as Takashi turned off the power in the module. Adam turned the channel to the helmet radios and heard Takashi's soft breaths and grunts. So far, so good. Adam's knuckles whitened in anxiety. He thought of the desert again.

"I'm clear. Module's falling away."

Adam let out the breath he'd been holding. On his console, Mission Control exploded with cheers. He checked the airlock sensors for the all-clear and shut it down. "Closing airlock."

The anxious breathing from Sam and Takashi's helmets slowed into sighs of relief. "We're coming up, Adam."

"Roger," Adam said, his heart pounding. "We've got four minutes until we exit orbit and begin the return trip."

Adam heard them come back before he saw them, their suits' boots clanking on the ladder up to the cockpit. If he hadn't had to keep control of the ship, he would have leapt up and hugged them both. Instead, he just looked up with tears in his eyes as Takashi strapped himself in the co-pilot's seat. Takashi touched his shoulder briefly, his eyes also glistening through his helmet.

"This is Prometheus to Earth," Sam said, his voice shaking with both relief and apprehension, "we're all in. Beginning preparations to exit the orbit."

"Copy, Prometheus," Montgomery responded. "It's good to hear from you."

"Adjusting heading to point-oh-niner," Takashi said, flipping the stabilizer switches.

Adam reached overhead for the fuel controls. "Initiating power sequence."

"Thrusters are go," Sam reported from behind them.

"Targeting initiated," Takashi said, his hands busy at the controls.

Adam's display screen glowed a confirmation. "Navigation system clear. Beginning exit sequence."

"Prometheus, you are clear for exit. Good luck."

With shaking breaths and equally shaking hands, Adam slowly pushed the shuttle forward, riding Saturn's gravity until he could see the edge of the rings. Beside him, Takashi was flipping switches and making adjustments as they flew. Adam's heart pounded so hard against his throat that he felt like he was going to throw up. It seemed that everyone in the shuttle and on Earth except him was holding their breath. Adam couldn't breathe quickly enough.

Takashi's hand found Adam's, the cold nylon of his suit tight around Adam's bare fingers. Adam chanced a glance at him, and their eyes met. Takashi offered a small smile, and Adam did his best to reciprocate Takashi's confidence.

The flight went much smoother and faster than Adam had anticipated. He could hardly believe it when his controls righted themselves into the autopilot return course and the Garrison erupted into triumphant cheers. He slumped back in his seat as Sam and Takashi shed their exosuits.

"I'm going to put this up," Sam said. "Shiro, I can get yours, too."

"Thanks, Sam."

There was a short moment of sweet, relieved silence where Adam and Takashi just stared at each other, as if disbelieving that the other was still alive. Adam didn't know who reached out first, but in the span of a blink, their arms found each other. They were both sweaty and stressed and exhausted, but right now, all that mattered was that they had each other. Takashi was babbling incomprehensibly; Adam imagined he sounded much the same.

Finally, Takashi let go of him. "I'm buying, okay?"

"What?" It took Adam a moment to realize what Takashi meant. "No, no way —"

"Hey, I'm the one who suggested it."

"Yeah, but I'm the one who said 'I love you' first." As soon as he said it, Adam felt a blush creep over his cheeks.

Takashi grinned. "Yeah, you did."

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Adam waved a hand. "So, uh . . . what does this make us?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean —"  Adam wanted to hide in a spacesuit downstairs. "Are we just, you know, those kinds of friends who say 'I love you' or, like, I dunno, not exactly friends but also sort of friends or —"

Takashi crossed the distance and effectively silenced him. His lips softly pressed against Adam's, and his hands came to rest on the sides of Adam's face. He could understand now why they called it "falling" in love. If Adam had been a ship, he would have already started listing into Takashi's gravity.

He pulled away only when he felt his glasses starting to fog up. Takashi rested his knuckles against Adam's cheek. "We're partners, Adam. We've always been partners. We don't need to be anything else."

Breathless, Adam could only reply, "All right."

"All right," Takashi repeated. He smiled. "Just you wait, we're going to go all over the universe together. We'll take on every planet and moon in the solar system. It'll be more than just picking up rocks, Adam. We'll be making _history_ together."

For some reason, Adam couldn't reply. For the first time that he could remember, he couldn't share Takashi's confidence. He remembered the look in the other man's eyes as he hugged his mothers on the day of the launch, the look that betrayed the quiet truth of his medical condition. He thought of how hard his heart had dashed against his chest at the thought of having to go home alone, at the prospect of Takashi and Sam being lost in space forever. He tried to imagine himself back in the cockpit of a space shuttle, navigating the solar system again, and failed. He hadn't realized just how _empty_ space could be until he almost lost his crewmates in Saturn's deathly rings.

Takashi wouldn't understand. Adam already knew that much. Takashi would never feel afraid in a ship, would never fear the vastness of space, would never doubt his own abilities to fly his way through anything. Takashi would fight through physical after physical, assessment after assessment, test after test, to even be able to touch the door of the next shuttle past Earth's gravity. Takashi would be the Captain Kirk he'd always wanted to become, going everywhere that no one else would.

He would keep flying until his wings failed him.

When they passed Jupiter a couple months later, Takashi whispered to Adam, "Isn't he beautiful? Look, we can see Callisto from here!"

Their fingers intertwined, and Adam leaned into Takashi's shoulder. Takashi pressed a kiss into Adam's hair. "When do you want to come back?"

 _Never_ , Adam wanted to say. _Your life isn't worth these rocks._

Instead, he just squeezed Takashi's hand and whispered back, "After we get that udon you promised."


	3. III. Dictys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dictys: A fisherman who discovered the young Perseus and his mother and raised the hero as his own son.

There was a picture of Takashi and Adam with their arms around each other's shoulders from when they returned from Saturn that sat in a frame in the instructors' lounge. There was also a copy of it in Adam's wallet, and another on their nightstand at home. Takashi and Adam were definitely not the first gay astronauts in space, but they were probably the first gay astronauts who confessed to each other in the middle of a deep-space mission gone sort-of wrong in front of basically the entirety of Mission Control. 

Adam suspected that was enough to get their picture on the cover of Time magazine one of these days. It hadn't happened yet. The press was far too busy with the man standing next to him, the quote-unquote best pilot in the history of humankind. (Not that Adam disagreed.)

Word of Takashi's prodigious save had quickly spread in the years it took to get back, and he was now the new face of the Garrison. Every few months, Takashi would get an assignment, usually lasting a few weeks. Recently, he had just set a new record for heliocentric orbit by at least twenty-five meters per second squared. Adam, on the other hand, had kept his feet firmly within Earth's atmosphere; there was an unspoken agreement between him and Takashi that there wouldn't be any more dual space flights.

Their life together proceeded almost as it had before. Adam had been expecting some giant change, maybe some fireworks, but they still lived together and cleaned together and ate together and did laundry together. They'd moved into one of the Garrison's officer housing complexes, which were basically nicer apartment-style versions of the barracks. so now they had an actual bedroom and a bathroom they didn't have to share with the entire hall. They also had a kitchen, which Adam learned early on not to let Takashi anywhere near. He also figured out how to cook so that he didn't have to deal with the smoke alarm every time Takashi tried to make cereal. 

Adam had settled into the generally quiet life of an instructor. Two levels of physics, three days a week, astronomy seminars on Monday nights, terrestrial aviation exercises every afternoon, and miscellaneous tutoring hours in between. Adam found that he liked teaching much more than flying. His physics classes could get rowdy, but they got along well. His astronomy groups were small, smart, and dedicated. His aviation class was one of the more advanced groups, students at the top of their classes that had specialized in the fighter track. There were plenty that called Adam the best terrestrial pilot in the Garrison, but he often brushed off the title. Best or not, he was a teacher first, a pilot second.

There was a quiet kind of love and respect that existed between him and his students; Adam liked to be as flexible as possible to accommodate as many students as he could. Some came to him with technical questions,  _ how do I solve for the angular momentum in this equation, why did I get a negative answer for the gravitational constant, can you walk me through adjusting for atmospheric pressure one more time —  _ others just found him easy to talk to,  _ my brother and I keep fighting and I'm not sure what to do, I had to put down our dog the other day, my mom just got diagnosed,  _ the list went on and on.

Takashi, on the other hand, was adored by pretty much everyone. He was friendly and talented, and that was all he needed to be to captivate, to inspire. The Garrison had started sending him to local schools to recruit, and he came home every day with new stories about  _ this kid made me sign a picture for his dad, you won't believe how many names that principal gave me, there were a few that I'm not sure about. _

Takashi clearly reveled in the Garrison's spotlights, in interviews and school visits. If there was anything that made him light up like a meteor shower, it was exploration and flight. Adam once had to sit through nearly three straight hours of listening to Takashi ramble about a new surface storm that had formed on Jupiter and how the Garrison was developing a probe that could fly through it.

The only thing that could get him down was talk of his medical condition. He still went to his doctors' appointments and physicals alone. That was the one boundary he didn't want Adam to cross, not yet. There were moments when there would be a new prescription in Takashi's list, when there was a new set of exercises or physical routines, when there would be unexpected fevers and chills that made Adam want to ask,  _ How much longer? _

He imagined Takashi's reply.  _ Long enough. _

Adam had certainly been waiting long enough today. He glanced at the clock on the wall as he shuffled through a pile of homework. It was nearly five; he was going to need another cup of tea. Shedding his glasses for a few seconds, he rubbed his eyes. 

Adam made his way over to the kitchen and filled a mug with water straight from the tap. Rummaging around in a few cabinets, he made a mental note to restock his supply of black tea. He needed caffeine, but he could settle for lemons and honey in white. Adam stuck the mug in the microwave and proceeded to the refrigerator only to discover that they were out of lemons. 

There was a fresh punnet of strawberries, though.

Adam supposed that adding strawberries to tea wouldn't be too much of a stretch. He'd just have to go easy on the honey. He took a strawberry from the container and hunted for a knife. The microwave beeped at him, and he quieted it, tapping the side of the mug to test the water's warmth. Adam lowered the teabag in the mug and added half a spoonful of honey, swirling it around. He found the knife he was looking for and, before he could convince himself otherwise, added a few strawberry slices to his mix.

Normally, he would have a better process for steeping his tea and carefully infusing it. Right now, he just needed to get through the last few reflections of the previous week's seminar. Adam usually liked reading his students' papers, but he also liked it when Takashi was already home by the time he returned. Adam knew that Takashi had a school visit today, but it was supposed to be over long before three. 

Adam gave his tea one last swirl before taking it back to the table. He tapped his zero-g pen against his lips as he mused over some rather poetic comments regarding pulsars. He glanced up at the name on the assignment.  _ Veronica McClain. _

Adam tried so hard not to pick favorites, but it was difficult with Veronica. She was also in his physics class, incredibly smart and incredibly sassy. He almost thought of her as more of a friend than a student, especially after she'd pretty much yelled hysterically at Takashi in his office for breaking the smoothie machine in the cafeteria. The look of absolute horror and embarrassment on Takashi's face had been absolutely priceless, and Adam was extremely thankful that he'd been quick with his phone. Whenever Takashi tried to make Adam sit through the Lord of the Rings remakes, Adam would kindly remind him of the smoothie incident and of the extremely true fact that no actor could replace the glorious idol Orlando Bloom.

He made a few remarks and flipped the paper over, quickly sketching his response. It was a special thing he did only for his astronomy class, returning their papers with pictures. Their first reflections had come in with eraser marks streaking the margins where Adam could tell there used to be sketches and doodles. In reply, Adam had drawn small pictures of rockets and moons along with his comments.  _ I don't mind. _

The next time his students turned in notes, faces, still lifes, and short comics decorated their papers. It was their unspoken contract. Adam let the doodles happen as long as grades didn't fall. If seminars were good, Adam got out the Olympus.

The Olympus. Adam had kept and taken care of it ever since they got back from Saturn. He'd learned how to change out the ink cartridges without disturbing the gyroscopes, how much pressure could coax what kind of texture from the pen, how to touch the tip of the pen ever so lightly to his tongue when the ink refused to flow. Sometimes, Takashi would catch Adam with his pen, and Adam didn't pretend not to notice the soft smile on his partner's lips. There was happiness there in just knowing that something you did made someone else happy.

He'd just finished a comical portrayal of a pulsar when the keypad outside beeped and the door opened. Adam looked up. "Where have you been?"

Takashi unslung his bag from his shoulder and smiled nonchalantly. "Juvenile detention center."

Adam almost knocked over his tea.  _ "What?" _

"Yeah." Takashi pointed at his mug. "Are those strawberries?"

"That is the absolute  _ least _ of my concerns right now," Adam retorted. He crossed his arms as Takashi sat down and studied his tea. "What the hell were you at the juvenile detention center for?"

"Got my car stolen." Takashi took a careful sip and wrinkled his nose. He coughed dramatically. "Don't ever put strawberries in your tea again."

"I'll do what I like," Adam said coolly, pointedly snatching his mug back and taking a long gulp. "So you got your car stolen."

"Yeah, there was this one kid." Takashi wiped his mouth. "He got all the way past level five on the Axiom, Adam —"

"And he stole your car," Adam said dryly.

"Well, yeah." Takashi couldn't stop grinning. "That was the best part. It took us forever to find him, but he'd hotwired the thing and driven it all the way into the middle of the desert. Too bad his principal reported him, though. It took about two hours to clear the kid with the detention people."

"Too bad his principal reported him?"

"Yeah." Takashi nodded. "He's got a lot of potential, at least from what I could tell. The other kids and his teachers, though, they're giving him a hard time. I don't know, Adam, I think he really belongs here, at the Garrison. He could do a lot."

"A lot?" Adam raised an eyebrow. "Beyond stealing your car?"

"Will you stop with the damn car already?" Takashi leaned forward. "I'm serious, Adam. The kid just seems lost. He just needs a push in the right direction."

"Takashi —"

"He's just in a bad place, Adam. He's somewhere he shouldn't be." 

"Takashi, is this because of something else?"

"What?"

Adam set his mug down. "You heard me."

Takashi shrugged. "Can't think of anything."

Adam crossed his arms. "Yeah, right, genius. These glasses can see right through you."

Takashi sighed. "As you like to remind me."

Adam reached over and put a hand on Takashi's arm. "What's going on?"

Takashi pushed up his sleeves, his electro-stimulators gleaming on his wrists. "I've had to wear these since I was thirteen. Everybody at my school knew about it, whether I told them or not, and . . . well, it was lonely. I've probably told you all this before, but I was in sort of a bad place before I came to the Garrison, before I met you." He took Adam's hand in his. "This kid . . . the way the other kids and the teachers look at him, I . . . I want to help him, Adam. I didn't have anyone when I was his age. But he could have us."

"Us," Adam repeated. He tried his best to give a disapproving glare, but Takashi's eyes were far too hopeful. He gave a long, dramatic, long-suffering sigh. "Fine. What's his name?"

* * *

"Adam, this is Keith." Takashi nodded at Adam. "Keith, Adam."

Takashi had brought the kid —  _ Keith —  _ to the airfield, where Adam had about an hour before his Saturday morning class started. Keith was shorter and younger than Adam had imagined, with a messy mop of dark hair and eyes that seemed somewhere between indigo and gray. He couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen, but his expression was the grave look of someone much older as he shook Adam's hand. 

"I hear you're a good pilot." Adam tried for an easy, casual tone. 

Keith shrugged. "I guess." He peered up at Adam. "Weren't you the other pilot of the Prometheus mission? The first manned trip to Saturn?"

Takashi's eyes widened slightly, but Adam nodded it off. He knelt down in front of Keith. "That's right. You really know your stuff, don't you?"

Another shrug. "Yeah, maybe."

Adam noticed the kid's eyes darting back and forth between him and the Dictys 35 fighters that were lined up on the field. "You know what those are?"

Keith crossed his arms, chewing his lower lip. "It looks like one of the Perseus models, but I'm not sure which one."

Adam smiled. "Close. These are Dictys 35s. They're not as fast as the Perseus, but they're bigger and tougher. Good for atmospheric flying."

"Oh." Keith nodded. "Cool."

"Yeah," Adam agreed. "They're not the flashiest or the sleekest, but they'll get you where you need to go."

"I guess."

Takashi stepped in. "You're part of the Garrison now, Keith. Like I said earlier, I think you've got what it takes to make it big here. And you've got people who are willing to help you out."

"Sure." Keith wouldn't look at either of them, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. "I should get going. I've got . . . things I need to take care of."

Adam and Takashi exchanged a quick glance. Adam nodded once, and they both stood. 

"Let me walk you back, Keith," Takashi offered. "Adam's got a class starting in a bit."

"Thanks," Keith mumbled. "Nice to meet you."

"Maybe I'll be seeing you in class," Adam white-lied. He didn't teach classes for Keith's year, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to be optimistic for the kid's sake.

"Maybe." Keith shrugged. "Bye."

Adam raised a hand in farewell, then lowered it as soon as Keith's and Takashi's backs were turned. He breathed a small sigh in the dry morning air. He glanced at his watch. Class wouldn't start for another twenty minutes, but he climbed into his own Dictys fighter anyway. Rummaging under his seat cushion, he found the notebook he used for class exercise and pre-class doodles. 

Adam pulled his Olympus out of his pocket and rolled it around in his hand, listening to the soft whirring inside. He uncapped and capped it a few times before deciding to put it back. 

Keith had recognized him when few people outside the Garrison even realized that he existed. That definitely counted for something. Adam had seen that kind of quiet observation from only one or two of his students in the past. Keith was definitely pretty intelligent, but it didn't seem like he acknowledged that. There was also a sort of lost look in his eyes, not the kind of lost panic that one gets when turned in the wrong direction, but the kind of lost helplessness that one gets when periodically denied the chance to grow. 

He'd seen it in students. He'd seen it in Takashi. Every once in a while, he'd see it in himself. 

Adam stuffed his notebook back under his seat. He took off his glasses and pretended to clean them. Keith, for the most part, it seemed, had been straightforward, honest. He hadn't tried to hide anything. What he knew, he said. In Adam's own experience, that attitude could either be redeeming or damning. Most people Adam's own age were like that, not bothering to hide what they thought.

At Keith's age, though? Who knew what would happen, what the other kids might make of him?

Adam dismissed that thought almost as soon as it entered his mind. He hadn't seen much of Keith yet, but the impression he'd gotten was that Keith wouldn't care what others thought of him. Even if he did, he wouldn't show it. Again, redeeming or damning. 

Adam ran a hand through his hair. There was something about Keith that Adam couldn't quite put his finger on, but he could see now why Takashi had been so insistent on Adam's support. Takashi, for all his good intentions, was a pilot, not a teacher. That was Adam's job. 

Adam glanced up. Some of his students were already approaching the airfield. He could think more about Keith's situation and talk to Takashi later.

For now, he had a class to teach.

* * *

When Adam got back to his and Takashi's room, he smiled to see Takashi lounging on their couch with a soft Howl's Moving Castle shirt on and a tablet in his hand. Takashi looked up with a matching smile. "Hey, there. How was class?"

"Good." Adam flopped down next to Takashi and leaned on his shoulder. Takashi pressed his cheek against Adam's hair. "What's new?"

"Ah, nothing." Takashi powered off his tablet and put an arm around Adam's shoulders. "Just bored."

Adam kicked off his shoes and unbuttoned the top part of his jacket. He and Takashi hadn't ever really established a rule about shoes, whether they went around the room barefoot or whether to designate a place for abandoned shoes. Takashi claimed he was "too Japanese" to wear shoes in the house, but he was also "too American" to actively care about what happened to his shoes. 

Adam had no philosophy about shoes. He pulled up his legs to his chest. "How's Keith doing?"

"He's all right." Takashi rubbed Adam's shoulder. "Did I mention that he has a hoverbike, too?" "Really?"

"Yeah, he said it was his dad's." Takashi lowered his voice. "He got it when he was sent to a home."

"A home?" Adam echoed, startled. "He's a foster kid?"

"You don't have to act so surprised." There was a sort of edge to Takashi's tone.

"Sorry," Adam amended. "I just . . . I wouldn't have called that."

"Foster kids look like every other kid, Adam," Takashi said coolly.

"I know that!" Adam retorted. "I have some in class, Takashi."

There was a brief moment of silence where neither one of them would look at the other. Finally, Adam broke it. "Does his bike have a name?"

He could tell that Takashi couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. "He calls it Red One, like in Star Wars."

Adam nudged Takashi's shoulder. "Does he realize that there's not actually a 'Red One'? It's 'Red Leader'."

"Hey, don't be a fun sucker."

A slightly inappropriate comment crossed Adam's mind. It must have shown on his face, because Takashi suddenly burst out giggling. "Shut up!"

Adam started laughing, too. "Didn't say anything!"

Takashi leaned over. "You were going to."

"Yeah, yeah, I might have." Adam let his eyes flutter shut as Takashi kissed him. Takashi's hands came to rest on the sides of Adam's face, and Adam put his arm around Takashi's neck. Takashi's tongue swept over his lips, and Adam readily let him in. His other hand raked through Takashi's hair as his partner crushed him against the couch. Adam pulled away only briefly to snatch his glasses off. They always tended to get in the way.

Once he set his glasses on the coffee table, he felt his way to Takashi's neck. Quick breaths escaped Takashi's half-open mouth as his hands worked the rest of Adam's jacket buttons. Takashi pulled Adam's jacket open, and he quickly slipped it off, his undershirt following. Adam had no idea where it went, but he didn't care. He pressed kisses all along Takashi's neck and bare collarbone. One of his hands carefully crept up Takashi's shirt, feeling the taut muscles there. Takashi trembled under his touch, and he broke away for all of the two seconds it took to wrestle his shirt off. 

Takashi's electro-stimulators stood out darkly against his fair skin. Adam's blurred vision made it hard to make out the details of Takashi's face, but there was no missing those marks. He busied himself with Takashi's chest instead, running his hands everywhere he could. Takashi's hands were equally busy; Adam could feel his every hard-earned callous when it brushed his skin.

They continued like that for maybe four more seconds before Takashi's wristbands yelled at them. 

"Shit," Takashi breathed, sitting up. He pushed a few buttons and grimaced slightly when the stimulators did their work.

Adam groped around for his glasses and gave up. "You all right?"

"I'd be better if these damn things didn't kill the mood every time we made out." Takashi untangled himself from Adam, letting the other clamber back up.

"Hey, it's okay," Adam said, rubbing Takashi's bare shoulder. "It is what it is."

They sat together in silence for a while, both unwilling to talk. The last and only time Takashi had silenced his stimulators and kept going, he'd gotten a seizure trying to unzip Adam's pants. The ER visit had been, for lack of a better word, awkward. For one, Takashi's pants had been hanging around his ankles when the EMTs arrived. For another, it had been the only time that Adam met Takashi's doctor and the only time that said doctor related the extent of Takashi's disease to Adam while Takashi was in the recovery room. Adam still hadn't told Takashi what he knew. He should. Sometime.

"Does it ever bother you?" Takashi asked suddenly. "Not being able to get . . . you know, physical."

"No," Adam said immediately. He touched Takashi's cheek tenderly and pressed their foreheads together. "No, of course not."

"I'm sorry." Takashi's breath ghosted Adam's lips.

"Don't be." Adam tried for a smile. He knew that not being able to go all the way bothered Takashi more than he let on. They'd looked at alternatives, but Takashi had never liked discussing the subject. Adam didn't mind, not as much, that they were both still technically virgins. He always thought of it as just another condition of their relationship, along with Takashi being in space every few months, Takashi bringing the towels at their morning runs, Takashi ignoring the fact that his hoverbike had brakes half the time, Takashi never being allowed in the kitchen . . . just Takashi.

"I'm sorry," Takashi repeated. His eyes were still heavy with love, and his lips were slightly flushed. "You deserve more, you know that, right?"

"I have everything I want," Adam said softly. He ran his fingers over Takashi's cheeks, slow and gentle. "I don't need more."

Takashi took Adam's hand in his and kissed Adam's fingertips. "Thanks, Adam."

"For sticking by you?" Adam grinned. "You know I always will." 

Adam eased his hand out of Takashi's and put his arms around Takashi's neck. Takashi's arms went around Adam's middle, his hands lingering on Adam's back. Takashi's hands were warm, they always were, but his electro-stimulators were cold. Adam could feel the shiver creeping down his spine as his heart beat wildly against Takashi's chest. Takashi's hair brushed Adam's shoulder as he rested his head against Adam's neck, and Adam leaned into him. With one hand, he gently stroked Takashi's hair, pressing kisses to his partner's cheek every so often. Takashi's eyes were closed; one almost might have assumed he'd fallen asleep against Adam's chest. 

"I love you, Takashi."

"I love you, too, Adam."

There was a soft pause.

"Where the hell are my glasses?"

"I got 'em." Takashi slid Adam's glasses onto his own face and grinned dorkily. "How do I look?"

"Ha-ha, you blurry blob," Adam said, swiping his glasses back. "You know I can't see you too good without these."

"I think you exaggerate your claims of blindness, Mr. Wright," Takashi said in mock seriousness. "I could see fine out of those. A bit fuzzy around the edges, but just fine."

"That is because, Mr. Shirogane," Adam replied, "you have eyes like the Hubble Telescope."

"Hopefully better," Takashi grinned. He sat up and immediately winced. "Ow."

"You good?" Adam asked, glancing in Takashi's direction, putting his shirt back on.

"I think so." Takashi stood up and promptly fell over.

"Takashi!" Adam scrambled over to his partner, who, thankfully, was still conscious but very confused. "Takashi, are you — "

"I'm fine," Takashi grimaced. "Legs. Three."

Takashi's three was probably a regular person's five. Adam offered his hand, and Takashi squeezed it as he waited for the pain to pass. Muscle spasms happened infrequently after activating the electro-stimulators. Adam and Takashi had developed a system for dealing with them — Takashi would report area and level of pain on a one-to-ten scale, and Adam would just hold his hand and help him through it. Adam learned early on that Takashi did  _ not _ like to be touched in what he deemed "aftershocks". So he would just wait, ready to offer help if help was needed.

After an eternal minute, Takashi exhaled and let go of Adam's hand. "I'm good. Thanks."

"Takashi, I think you need to see your doctor about the electro-stimulators," Adam said. 

"It's nothing, Adam," Takashi insisted. "You know it just happens."

"Exactly," Adam said. "I don't think it should."

"What do you know, Adam?" Takashi said tiredly. "You're not the one that's sick."

"No, I'm not," Adam agreed. He took Takashi's hand again. "I'm just the one that doesn't want to see you hurt."

"It's a little late for that, I think." Takashi ran his fingers through Adam's hair, and Adam leaned into his gentle touch. He turned his head slightly and kissed Takashi's palm softly. Takashi's hand went to the back of Adam's neck and their lips somehow found each other. Takashi was being careful this time, his kisses long and slow. His other hand went to the small of Adam's back, pressing gently, and Adam's hands came to rest on either side of Takashi's face. 

Adam didn't know how long they'd been kissing when they pulled away from each other, but his lips left Takashi's hesitantly and almost reluctantly. Takashi's cheeks were flushed; Adam imagined he looked much the same. Their fingers locked together as they leaned against the couch.

"Just go see him, all right?" Adam pleaded quietly. "We won't know until we try."

"Okay." Takashi's breaths were uneven. "Okay, I'll go."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"This isn't the fucking Fault in our Stars, Takashi."

The next day, when Takashi took his hoverbike across the desert, Adam could have sworn he saw two trails of dust instead of one.


	4. IV. Icarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Icarus: The son of Daedalus who drowned after flying too close to the sun with his wax-and-feather wings.

Three-thirty-two, Pacific Standard Time, Tuesdays and Fridays. That was Takashi and Adam's agreed video-calling time whenever Takashi was in space. Adam drummed his fingers on his desk as he entered grades on his computer in his office. The minutes wouldn't go by fast enough.

The Garrison had discovered the path of a new comet a few months ago. It looked like the comet's path would take it directly into the sun, or at least close enough to melt it completely, so they'd christened it "Icarus". Takashi was the only one who could fly fast enough to capture the footage without getting burnt to a crisp, and he was taking two junior officers, Sam Holt's son Matt and Veronica McClain. Adam hadn't been surprised to hear that either one of the kids had made the cut. He hadn't officially met Matt yet, but he'd heard plenty from both Takashi and Sam.

"It'll just be a couple weeks," Takashi had said. "Not too much longer than the last time I went to Mars."

Still, just because Adam thought the name "Icarus" was fitting didn't mean he liked it.

His tablet beeped softly right as the clock turned to three-thirty-two. It seemed like Takashi had been eagerly waiting on the other end, too. Often, their calls were races to see who could press the call button first. Takashi usually won, and Adam was content to let him win. 

Adam accepted the call, and Takashi's smiling face filled his screen. "Hey, handsome."

"Hey, yourself," Takashi replied. "Miss me much?"

"I don't miss you wearing my shirts and returning them all wrinkled," Adam answered, his lips curving into an automatic smile. Another one of their games. Takashi would ask if Adam missed him, and Adam would tell him something he didn't miss. "Also, whatever you do with my clothes makes them smell like wet dog."

"Sir, that is gross." Adam guessed it was Veronica, and his guess was confirmed when Takashi invited her on the screen. "Hey, Professor Wright!"

"I take it Shiro hasn't driven you crazy yet?" For some reason, Adam still called Takashi "Shiro" when talking about him to other people. Takashi had said that few people ever called him by his first name. Adam supposed he liked to keep it that way, to keep Takashi's name between the two of them. Takashi definitely noticed, but he hadn't said anything. Adam suspected he liked it that way, too.

Veronica beamed at him. "Not really, sir. We're coming up on the comet in a few days."

"Good to hear," Adam said. The Garrison Ground Control wouldn't shut up about the comet, but Adam didn't want to dampen Veronica's spirits. "Take a lot of pictures for us at home, all right?"

"Absolutely, sir." Veronica saluted and turned to Takashi. "Sir, I'm going to go check with Matt."

"Stop calling me sir!" Takashi called after her. When Veronica had left, Takashi flashed a lopsided smile. "Kids these days with their 'sirs' and 'ma'ams'."

"Admit it, Takashi, we're getting old."

"My greatest fear." Takashi leaned back in his seat, showing off a Han Solo shirt. "How are things at home?"

Adam was about to respond when a knock came on his door. He looked up in surprise; his office hours didn't start until half past four. "Hang on a sec."

Adam went up to the door and opened it. "I've got my hours — Oh."

It was Keith, his arms tight around a textbook, one fist still raised as if he was going to hit the door again. He looked up nervously at Adam. "Is this a bad time?"

Adam wanted to say  _ yes _ , but he changed his mind. "Come on in."

Keith closed the door behind him and flopped down in a chair across from Adam's desk. Adam rolled his own chair to Keith's side, tablet in hand. "Shiro's on the phone. Wanna say hi?"

Keith looked a little startled when Adam set his tablet in front of them both. Takashi waved at them, his hand blurring with the lagging connection. "Hey, Keith!"

"Hi . . . ?"  Keith seemed unsure of what to say next. "I can go — "

"Actually, my connection's spazzing out over here," Takashi interrupted. "Can I call you back in a few minutes?"

Adam gave him a knowing look, and Takashi subtly winked. Thankfully, Keith didn't seem to catch their exchange. 

Adam waved at his tablet as he moved to end the call. "Catch you around, Shirogane."

"Later, Wright."

Takashi's face froze for a few seconds on the screen before the call closed. Adam turned to Keith with a small smile. "What brings you in?"

"Shiro said you teach physics," Keith said. He opened up his book to a page on forces. "Can you help me out?"

Adam glanced over the page and flipped through the chapter. He recognized the book from the intermediate physics courses. "Who's your teacher?"

"Hedrick," Keith replied. "But I get the feeling he doesn't like me much."

Adam remembered what Takashi had told him of Keith's background. "That's okay. We'll start simple. What's your biggest problem with the problem?"

"The force drawings." Keith turned back a few pages to the chapter examples. He pointed at one of the diagrams. "What's the net force for?"

"That," Adam pronounced, rummaging in his drawers for some paper and a pencil, "is actually the  _ normal  _ force. Net force is labeled with F-net. Normal can either be F-norm or F-N, like they have here." He wrote each of the labels at the top of the page. "Net force is the sum of all the forces acting on an object."

"Oh." Keith watched as Adam copied the diagram from the book. "In that case, what's the normal force?"

"It's a contact force," Adam explained. "You know Newton's laws, right?"

Keith nodded. "Inertia, force, and equal-opposite."

"Right." Adam nodded. "Contact forces deal with the first and third laws. Objects at rest stay at rest because the net force is zero. Like, this book, for example." He gestured to Keith's book. "The net force is zero, so it stays put."

"But there's gravity on it," Keith pointed out. 

"Yep." Adam drew another diagram on the paper, adding an arrow pointing downwards for gravity. "So let's say that the gravitational force on the book is negative five. That means that we need another force that's equal and opposite so that the net force comes out to be zero."

"So . . ." Keith said slowly, studying the diagram. "It'd be going up positive five."

"Exactly." Adam added an arrow pointing upwards to the diagram. He crossed both arrows to show that they had equal values. "And that's just what the normal force is.  _ Normal _ is just another word for  _ perpendicular. _ So it's perpendicular to the surface that the thing's on, and it balances out gravity so that the net force is zero."

"Hm." Keith nodded pensively. "I think that makes sense."

"Okay, let's try another." Adam drew another diagram, this time with a box against a vertical wall. "Why don't you label that?" He handed his pencil to Keith, who drew two vertical arrows going in opposite directions and looked up at him expectantly. "Close. You got gravity right, but the normal force is perpendicular to the contact surface, remember?"

"But then it doesn't cancel out gravity," Keith argued.

"It's not supposed to," Adam said. "Think about it. If I put this book up against a wall and I let go, what's going to happen?"

"Well, it would fall — oh." Keith's eyes lit up with understanding. "So if the box was on a ramp — " he hastily drew a square on an incline and added an arrow going out of it, " — the normal force would go this way?"

"Yes, exactly!" Adam said. He took the pencil from Keith's hand. "And the gravity would go this way, assuming this is down."

"And that's why it would slide down," Keith finished. One corner of his mouth curved upward. "I think that makes sense. So, in this case, the net force would be equal to the force of gravity?"

"Not quite," Adam said, "but close. You've done trigonometry before, right?"

Keith chewed his lip. "Only a little bit."

"That's all right." Adam turned the paper over and drew a right triangle on it, labeling one of the acute angles with a  θ. "You just need to know sine and cosine . . ." 

And then he was explaining how to separate the components of a force, when to use sine and when to use cosine, how to make sure your calculator was always in degrees, not radians, because Adam had seen far too many cases of unit mix-ups on tests to not issue warnings. Keith tended to get frustrated easily, but he also was a quick learner. In about half an hour, they'd covered most of the material in the chapter. Adam had also noticed a small inconsistency, and he felt compelled to ask Keith about it.

"Where'd you find this book, anyway, Keith?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." For what it was worth, Keith had a great poker face. 

Adam crossed his arms. "I know what the first-year books look like, and that's not one of them." At Keith's hesitation, he added, "I'm not mad. I'm just curious. Most kids don't go out of their way to find books above their level."

"I just don't like the book we're using, that's all," Keith said sulkily. 

Adam raised an eyebrow at that. "You don't like it."

"No," Keith said decisively, "I don't."

"Well, as a matter of fact," Adam said, leaning back, "neither do I."

"Yeah, I — wait, what?"

"They don't do a great job of explaining things," Adam said. He waved a hand. "And so-and-so discovered this in such-and-such year which led to the discovery of this-and-that and because of that we're now able to blah-blah-blah. Well, that's nice and all, but it's not very practical. I mean, if I wanted a history lesson, I'd have signed up for a different class."

A small smirk ghosted Keith's face. "Right? I don't get why they spend ten pages talking about how a thing was discovered and only two pages about why or how we use it!"

Adam laughed at that. "And then twenty pages of practice problems?"

"That too!" Keith was terribly indignant. "And then there's assholes like — oh, sorry — "

"This office is a swear-word-friendly environment," Adam said solemnly. "So you can say whatever the fuck you want."

Keith grinned at that. It was the first time Adam had seen the boy really smile. He had a nice smile, a little lopsided, almost like Takashi's. "Okay."

"Come on, who's giving you a hard time?" Adam rested his chin on his hands. He'd meant for the comment to be friendly and inviting, but Keith immediately tensed. "No one."

"Okay." There was no way Adam would get an answer if he nagged. He could sense that just coming to his office had been an uncomfortable step for Keith. Keith, if he felt like he could trust Adam, had to come to him in his own time. Adam turned his attention back to Keith's book. "Should we do a few more examples?"

Keith hesitantly shook his head. "Shiro said he was going to call you back soon."

"Well, he hasn't yet," Adam shrugged. "And my hours don't start for another twenty minutes. If there's something you want to go over, don't feel like you can't ask me."

Keith was quiet for a few moments. Finally, he said, "What about number twelve?"

"Number twelve. Okay. Let's do it."

* * *

"Is this a bad time?" 

Adam shook his head. Keith always started their sessions with the same question, as if the answer might change and he'd have to take refuge somewhere else. Takashi was still tailing Icarus, and Keith had come to Adam's office for the past four days with miscellaneous physics and history questions. 

Not that Adam knew anything about history. 

Today, though, there was no textbook in Keith's hands. In fact, the kid looked like he'd barely slept in the past forty hours. Adam ushered him into a chair and wheeled over. "Everything okay?"

Keith's head moved in a direction that was halfway between a nod and a shake. Adam had no idea how to interpret it, and he gently repeated his question. "Everything okay?"

"Can I eat lunch in here?"

"Sure, yeah, of course." It didn't even cross Adam's mind to ask why until Keith got up. "How are things?"

"I don't know," Keith said softly. "I just don't feel like I really belong here."

"Here," Adam echoed. "You mean, the Garrison?"

Keith nodded. "Shiro thought I'd be a good fit for some reason, but it doesn't feel that different from my old school. The only difference is that now I can't just be ignored."

"I know the feeling," Adam said, lacing his fingers together. "It's like someone's always watching, whether it's the teachers or the other kids, right?"

"Yeah." Keith picked at his nails. "I mean, it's not like I try to be good at the simulators on purpose, it just happens. Even when I don't really think about it. It's like my brain won't let me bad at flying."

"That's not really a bad thing — "

"It is if all you do every day are just banking and inclination exercises!" Keith argued. "It's just like the stupid book they make us use in physics — ten pages of an explanation and only two pages of a how-to. And besides, I don't fit in with the other kids. I heard my old school principal tell Shiro that I was just a problem case."

"Was this when you hotwired Shiro's car right out from underneath him?" Adam grinned softly. "Because he would not stop going on and on about how that was the greatest moment of his life."

"I thought he was already going to not let me in anyway, so it wouldn't matter what I did," Keith said sharply. "But then he found me at the detention center and made up this really elaborate cover story for me. He didn't even know me. What kind of guy does that?"

Adam laughed. "Well, that's Takashi for you." He hadn't realized that he'd used Takashi's first name until it slipped out.

Keith studied him. "He gets back next Thursday, right?"

"He should." Adam folded his hands. "Him and Matt and Veronica and a chunk of that comet."

"Are you ever gonna go back up there?"

"Hm?"

"I read the mission logs," Keith said. "I know what happened. Are you gonna go back?"

"It's hard to explain." To be honest, Adam hadn't really thought about why. He just hadn't been able to look at space the same way after nearly losing Takashi and Sam in that infinite blackness between Saturn's rings. He couldn't see the beauty and wonder that Takashi saw; he could only see hunger and emptiness. It was something between fear and despisement that kept Adam from boarding the next space shuttle, but it wasn't like he could just say all that to Keith. Adam didn't have Takashi's natural eloquence. He didn't want the wrong message to come across, so he just said simply, "Maybe not."

"Okay." 

"Yeah?"

"What's it like?" Keith asked. "Space?"

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Shiro hasn't said much?"

"He's said plenty." Keith almost rolled his eyes. much to Adam's amusement. "Everyone who's ever gone has. But all they talk about are those  _ things _ that make space beautiful, like it's just a bunch of stars and planets and radiation. I think space is just lonely, misunderstood, maybe."

"Being in space puts things in perspective," Adam said carefully. "Before we went to Saturn, Shiro and I had been around to the moon a lot, Mars a few times. Venus twice, I think. You think those planets are big, but once you get through the Asteroid Belt, well, it's just a completely different world out there, Keith. It's like standing in the desert, looking at the horizon and waiting for a storm to show up. It's lonely, but it's definitely something else."

"My dad told me once that I shouldn't ever be afraid of being alone," Keith said.

"Your dad's a brave man," Adam said.  _ A foster kid _ , he remembered.

"It's almost like he knew he wasn't going to be around forever." Abruptly, Keith added, "He was a firefighter."

"I'm sorry, Keith."

"You didn't start the fire." Keith crossed his legs, then uncrossed them again. He picked at his nails some more, wouldn't meet Adam's eyes. "You still got your parents?"

"Sort of," Adam admitted. It was a strange question coming from a twelve-year-old, but he answered honestly anyway. "My mom passed when I was six, and my dad and I aren't too close anymore. We haven't talked in years."

"Oh." 

"Keith, I know a lot of people have probably already said this, but as someone who's gone through a similar thing, it does get better," Adam promised. "Storms are rare in the desert, but when they come, they seem like they'll last forever."

Keith frowned up at him. "Are the storms the good things or the bad?"

"That's up to you."

Keith was still for a long while. Finally, he said quietly, "I miss my dad. Is that okay?"

"Always," Adam said fiercely. "Don't you dare let anyone tell you otherwise."

Keith's indigo-gray eyes shone dimly with the kind of light that lets people know,  _ I'm hurting but I think I can be okay. _ "Thanks, Professor."

"Hey, it's just the two of us," Adam said. "You can call me Adam." 

* * *

"The kid's really growing on me, 'kashi," Adam said on their last call before Takashi came back to Earth. "He's been in my office nearly every day."

Takashi grinned on the other end. "What did I say? Have you seen him fly yet?"

"I was observing his class the other day." Adam whistled slowly. "I haven't seen anyone fly like that since we were the ones in the sims." He grinned slyly. "Almost as good as you were back then."

"Hey, hey, I've improved," Takashi fake-pouted. "We just got the closest to the sun that any of our craft has ever been."

"I'm proud of you, Takashi."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know that, too."

Adam rested his tongue between his teeth. "What don't you know, 'kashi?"

"Everything." Takashi's hand came up and over the screen. Adam imagined that Takashi was holding the side of his tablet the way he often held Adam's cheek, with the same care and tenderness that he handled a spacecraft. 

"When's touchdown?" Adam already knew the answer, but he asked anyway.

"Fourteen hours," Takashi replied. "Just in time for dinner." 

Adam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, if I'm going to be eating dinner at two in the morning."

"You'll wait, right?"

"You know I will." Adam's hands suddenly ached for the feel of Takashi's hair through his fingers, Takashi's soft, warm skin under his palms. Before every spaceflight, Takashi and whoever else was going had to be in quarantine for two weeks so that they didn't carry contagious diseases into space. It was almost like visiting a man in prison, when the only thing separating Takashi and Adam was a three-inch layer of plexiglas. Those two quarantine weeks were the loneliest part of any mission, when their bed felt the coldest, when their coffee table seemed the emptiest, when Takashi's absence felt the heaviest. "I miss you, Takashi."

"Then — I'll be home soon." Adam had already seen the sentence that had formed on Takashi's lips.  _ Then come with me next time. If you miss me, come with me.  _

"Yeah, you will be." Adam forced himself to smile. "I'll be at the landing."

"Can you bring food this time?" Takashi's eyes were glowing. "I've had just about enough of these freeze-dried peas."

"Takashi, you  _ know _ I'm not supposed to — "

"Just a pack of gummy bears?"

"Takashi Shirogane, don't you dare use those eyes on me — " Adam turned away too late. Takashi had a real talent for making cute and pathetic faces that he used often enough to get his way but not often enough for Adam to develop an immunity. Adam groaned in exaggerated exasperation.  _ "Fine." _

Takashi beamed at him. "Thanks, babe!"

"I fucking dare you to call me 'babe' one more time." Adam crossed his arms. "I'm a grown man."

"I know." Takashi tried to wiggle his eyebrows and failed, since he was one of those people who couldn't move his eyebrows very much voluntarily.  _ "Babe." _

Adam pursed his lips. "I know you just call me that when you're in space because I can't do anything about it except end possibly end this call."

Takashi gasped. "You  _ wouldn't _ ."

Adam raised his own eyebrow with expert finesse. "Watch me."

Takashi made the adorably cute face again. Adam swore, but not before he laughed. "God  _ damn  _ you and your stupid face, Takashi!"

"Hey, you know you love it." Takashi threw a light punch, one that, if Adam had been there with him, would have amounted to a playful shove. "Me and my beautiful face."

Adam rolled his eyes so far back in his head he could have sworn he saw the wrinkles in his brain. "Yeah, yeah, you big, brave, beautiful idiot. I love you to fucking death."

"I know."

"If you Han Solo me one more time — "

"I know!"

Despite being mildly annoyed, Adam couldn't get mad at Takashi. How could you be angry at someone who filled you up with his ambition and humor and dedication and compassion? Sure, Takashi could be a royal pain in the ass sometimes, but there was a difference between being frustrated and being angry. For Adam, it was sometimes the former, never the latter. Besides, Takashi always knew when to stop, when enough was enough. Adam didn't have to tell him.

That is, until Kerberos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are having a great Thanksgiving and that y'all got whatcha needed at Black Friday!
> 
> Two more chapters to go :)


	5. V. Kerberos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kerberos: A a three-headed canine, guardian of the Underworld that prevents the dead from leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm so sorry I couldn't update yesterday. Some unforeseen circumstances got in the way, and the soonest I could get back to AO3 was just now. I promise that next week will be on time. :)

"We should go out sometime." 

Takashi rolled on his side, twisting the covers underneath him. Adam had almost fallen asleep when Takashi had spoken, and he made it a point to inform Takashi of this. "I was this close to getting to sleep, Takashi.  _ This. Fucking. Close. _ "

"Have you noticed that you swear more when you're tired?"

"Have you noticed that I can't think of great comebacks to your witty charm when I'm tired?" Adam groped in the darkness for his glasses. "What do you want?"

"We should go out sometime." Takashi sounded like a boy.

"Go out?" Adam didn't find his glasses, but he did find the lamp switch, which cast Takashi's blurry face in a warm yellow glow. "Like a date?"

"Yeah, like a date." Adam could hear the grin in Takashi's voice. "You know, like how partners do."

Adam wanted to ask  _ why _ , but all that came out was, "When?"

"You busy tonight?" Takashi asked, his voice deepening in mock seriousness.

"Tonight?" Adam echoed. "Now?"

Takashi leaned over and quickly kissed Adam's cheek. "Yes, now."

"Takashi, it is half past midnight — "

"Actually, it's one in the morni — "

There was a soft  _ oof _ that told Adam that his pillow had found its mark. While Adam stuffed his glasses on his face, Takashi grabbed the offending pillow and crawled over to him, the mattress springs bouncing with his every movement. Adam seized his opportunity and snatched up Takashi's pillow from the other side of the bed, using it to defend himself against Takashi's pounce. Against his will, Adam started laughing at the completely serious look of pillow-fight murder in Takashi's eyes as they romped around the bed. Takashi was laughing, too, even when he launched himself at Adam and sent them both tumbling to the floor in a pile of pillows, sheets, and humans.

Adam brushed Takashi's hair out of his face, and Takashi showered him with kisses. "What's up with you, Takashi?"

"It just suddenly occurred to me that even though we're dating, we don't do much in the field of dating," Takashi smiled at him. "So, you know, I figured we should work on that."

"And now you get to make the executive decisions for the two of us, Mr. Shirogane?" Adam teased as he helped Takashi up.

Takashi tipped an imaginary hat. "Only with your consent, Mr. Wright."

Adam perched on the edge of the bed. "All right, what did you have in mind?"

"Well the only place that's open at this time of night that I know of is the Neighborhood Walmart."

Adam burst out laughing. "A date like no other."

Takashi cracked open the door of the bedroom. "You coming?"

"Sure, sure, I'm coming."

Ten minutes later, they'd both changed into slightly warmer clothes, snuck out of the instructors' barracks, and hopped onto Takashi's hoverbike. Takashi handed him a pair of goggles, and Adam put his arms around Takashi's waist and leaned against his partner's back. Takashi revved the engine into gear, and they took off.

Even though Adam liked to complain about Takashi's utter lack of respect for speed limit signs, he loved riding through the desert with him. Those few minutes with the sandy wind in his hair and Takashi's heartbeat against his ear felt more intimate than making out on the couch or even cuddling in bed. Out here, he felt vulnerable. Out here, he felt free. 

Takashi pulled into an empty parking lot. The Walmart's lights were bright through the glass doors. Takashi pushed his goggles up over his bangs and grabbed Adam's hand. "Come on!"

Adam barely had time to stow his own goggles on his belt before getting dragged through the automatic doors. He couldn't erase the stupid grin that had come over his face. "I'm coming, Takashi, I'm coming!"

Giant rollback signs advertising consistently low prices leaped at them from the shelves, and blue department signs pointed them in directions for clothes and food. Adam had to blink several times to get used to the brightness in the Walmart, all while Takashi was holding his hands and pretty much running through the aisles.

They rushed by a meager floral section, and Takashi swept up a small bouquet of yellow roses, handing it to Adam in a grandiose gesture of gentility. Adam took the flowers in his free hand and kissed Takashi on the mouth. "Christ, Takashi, what's gotten into you?"

Takashi only grinned at him. "You'll see."

The song over the Walmart speakers changed, to an old,  _ old _ classic. Adam recognized it from his ancient emo days and the opening chords. 

 

_ So long to all of my friends. _

_ Every one of them met tragic ends _

_ With every passing day. _

_ I'd be lying if I didn't say _

_ That I miss them all tonight _

_ And if they only knew what I would say. _

 

Takashi spun Adam around like they were in a ballroom. Adam nearly toppled over a rack of chocolate bars trying to regain his balance. He had none of Takashi's grace or agility, and it was clear that the single cashier at the sleeping registers thought so, too. Adam pretty much had Takashi's hands in a death grip trying not to fall over, but he couldn't stop smiling.

"How do you like our date so far?" Takashi grinned as they found their way to the peanut butter aisle. 

"It's a little, ah, what do I call it, unexpected?" Adam adjusted his glasses, the roses a bit squashed against his arm. "Surprising?"

"I think you'll find I'm full of surprises," Takashi said, dropping to one knee, pulling something from his pocket. "And I'd like to keep surprising you, if that's okay."

"Is that — "

"Ah-ah, nope, no interrupting," Takashi interrupted. "It took me way longer to get this right than  _ 2001 _ 's backwards foreword." He cleared his throat. "You've been there for me since the day I showed up late to class because of a doctor's appointment on my first day at the Garrison. You've been there for me at the Moon, at Mars, at Venus, and at Saturn. You've stood by every decision I make, and you've supported me in everything I do, whether it's up in space or down here on Earth. I have no idea how much time I've got with you, but I don't care. Whether it's a week or a year, it'll still be a lifetime, and I want to spend that lifetime with you. So, Adam Nathaniel Wright, will you do me the honor of wearing a piece of jewelry that says you'll spend that lifetime with me?" 

"Yes, of course, I mean, I will, I do — " It took a few seconds for Adam to remember how to exist. "Yes, yes, I will!"

Takashi stood up, and Adam bowed his head a little. Adam still couldn't believe it when the necklace slipped over his head and Takashi put on a matching one around his own neck. Their rings were a dark silver color, with pale blue stones set in them. Takashi held his hand, their rings shining against their chests in the bright Walmart lights. "They let me save some of the Icarus ore, you know, from forever ago. It took them longer than I thought to get the rings together, but — "

"Takashi, they're beautiful." Takashi opened his mouth to say something else, but Adam didn't let him, taking Takashi's face in his hands and kissing his partner, his — his  _ fiance.  _ He let the time slip by, rolling that word around in his head.  _ Fiance, fiance, fiance. Takashi Shirogane is my fiance. _

_ If I could be with you tonight _

_ I would sing you to sleep _

_ Never let them take the light behind your eyes _

_ I failed and lost this fight _

_ Never fade in the dark _

_ Just remember you will always burn as bright _

 

Adam had forgotten most of the lyrics, and he looked up the song again when he got home. He listened to it long after Takashi had fallen asleep with a dorky smile on his face. He found he liked it. The song was simple but full of emotion, as if the singer were pouring his dying breath into the words. Adam wasn't a superstitious person, but he was semi-religious. In hindsight, maybe he should have taken such a sad song playing at such a happy moment as a sign. But no, he was only staring with childlike joy at the new ring on his finger, wondering who he could tell and who might notice. He was cuddling with his partner — his  _ fiance _ — like nothing else in the world mattered. And nothing else did.

The irony was that their relationship started falling apart the day they planned to tie it the tightest it would ever be.

* * *

Keith was the first to notice, of course. It had been three years since he'd first shown up in Adam's office trying to understand forces. He visited sporadically, mostly when he just had a question that Takashi couldn't answer or when Takashi was in space and Keith wanted to avoid the cafeteria. When he showed up today, though, there was only a look of triumph on his face. "Is that what I think it is?"

Adam only pulled his necklace out from under his shirt, where it had tangled with his Garrison dog tags.

Keith almost whooped in excitement. "Shiro finally proposed?"

"No, I'm just wearing a comet-ore ring because it's a new fashion trend," Adam said dryly. Then he grinned. "Yeah, he proposed Saturday night."

"It was about fucking time!" Keith smirked. He crossed his arms. "When are you guys getting married?"

Adam shrugged. "We don't have a date. Besides, they're getting the Kerberos mission organized now, and Shiro really wants to be a part of it. Probably sometime after he gets back. You'll be the flower boy, of course." 

Keith gaped at him, and Adam laughed at the look of horror on Keith's face. "I don't even know what a flower boy  _ does!" _

Adam made a mental note that Keith didn't refuse the position right away. He leaned back in his chair, studying his ring. "Probably just stand there and throw flowers at people. Doesn't seem too hard."

Keith gave a short laugh and sat down. "Sure." He tossed his hair once, his bangs flipping to one side. "Was it good? I told him to make it good."

"Did you tell him to take me to a fucking Walmart at one in the morning and propose in the peanut butter aisle?" Adam demanded. "Because that sure as hell was memorable."

Keith burst out laughing. "No, but that sounds like something he'd do. The peanut butter aisle?"

"I said yes with fifty jars of Jif staring at me and judging silently."

"That's actually pretty funny." Keith uncrossed his arms. "We went racing earlier, and he was all like, 'Keith, he said yes he said yes he said yes!' He wouldn't say anything else, just 'He said yes!'"

Adam laughed. "When he gets excited about something, he has the mentality and restraint of a five-year-old."

"Yeah, well, I beat him today," Keith said smugly. "Finally."

"Congratulations, Keith!"

"Nearly broke my wrist and scraped up my knees, but it was definitely worth it." Keith rolled up his pants to show Adam his bandages. They were decorated with small gel-pen drawings of rockets and — were those hippopotamuses? Keith noticed Adam staring and flushed, waving his hands. "My dad used to draw on my band-aids when I was little."

"Were you one of those kids that got himself in a bunch of accidents every day?" Adam smiled.

"Still am, according to Shiro." Keith rolled down his pants again. "He's basically been my doctor since I banged up my knuckles punching Griffin in the face."

Adam remembered that day well. He hadn't been there, but he'd heard about the incident from Takashi. Keith hadn't struck him as a particularly violent person, but he was definitely a fighter. Top of Adam's class, second place to none but Takashi himself. Adam couldn't help the incredulity that came over him every time he watched Keith fly, his fighter dancing through clouds and asteroids, leagues ahead of everyone else. Like Takashi, Keith had made flying seem effortless and easy. Adam had had his fair share of students clamoring for extra practice hours in the simulators; Keith had never been one, but he outflew everyone anyway. 

"Well, I'm glad you finally beat him," Adam smiled. "I'm definitely going to rub that in his face as soon as he gets home."

"Have fun with that," Keith grinned. "I've got to go, but congratulations on the engagement. I'll see you later, Adam."

"Later, Keith. Make good choices."

"No promises!"

Adam amusedly wondered when Keith's response would change. Keith had always seemed older than he was, to the point that Takashi referred to him more like a little brother than a sixteen-year-old cadet. Still, there had to be some part of him that was still a boy. After all, he still drew on his bandages and loved nothing more than racing Takashi in the desert. 

Adam decided to put that thought to rest, though. There was still a quality half-hour before his office hours began (Oddly enough, Keith never showed up according to Adam's schedule.) and Adam wanted to make good use of it. He reached into his top drawer for his most recent sketchbook, the one that Takashi had bought for him on his last birthday. Uncapping the Olympus that was always in his front pocket, Adam flipped to a new page and wrote a single word at the top:  _ Vows. _

After a few seconds of deliberation, he put his pen to the paper and didn't stop writing until a physics student knocked in two hours later.

* * *

"Adam, I have something to tell you." 

In hindsight, Adam should have seen the hardness behind the fragile joy in Takashi's eyes, should have caught the shadows under his smile, should have noticed the tension in Takashi's shoulders when he broke the news a week later, should have noticed the wrinkles in his shirt and the off-centeredness of his belt. "I made it on the crew, Adam. I'm going to Kerberos."

"Takashi, that — that's great — "

"There's something else, too." Takashi's jaw tightened. Adam knew Takashi well enough to know that he only used that tone when speaking about one thing. 

Adam didn't reply. He squeezed Takashi's hand, but Takashi didn't squeeze back.

"I'm . . ." Adam's legs felt like they were sublimating as Takashi hunted for the right words. "I'm also going to have to . . . retire . . . after Kerberos."

"What?" The word came out as barely a breath. Adam could hear his pulse racing in his ears while his body turned to stone and evaporated. Takashi pulled out of his grip, and Adam almost reached for him again.

"My condition . . ." Takashi wouldn't meet his eyes. "It's getting worse."

"How long do we have?"

"Three years," Takashi whispered. "Maybe three and a half, if I'm lucky."

"Takashi, it — it's going to take you that long to get to Kerberos and back!" Adam protested. "You can't — you shouldn't — "

"Adam, you know I have to." Takashi's tone was almost angry. "We're so close to finally being able to get past the solar system. The Garrison is working on actual deep-space tech. This is history in the making — I  _ have _ to be a part of it."

"No, you  _ don't. _ " Adam grabbed Takashi's arm, but Takashi pulled away. "Takashi,  _ listen — _ "

"No, Adam,  _ you _ listen," Takashi interrupted. "Kerberos is going to be the last mission of my life. I have to go. As long as I pass my physicals, I can get up there. Sam's leading the mission, and Matt's going to get his operation in a few weeks. Once I get back, we can have time together. It's not like I'm going to keel over as soon as we land back on Earth."

Adam exhaled deeply. "All right. Fine. Okay. You're right. I'm sorry."

Takashi raised an eyebrow, but his shoulders relaxed. "Just like that?"

Adam nodded a little too quickly. "Yeah. Just like that. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay."

_ Stop saying okay, _ Adam thought.  _ This isn't the fucking Fault in Our Stars. _ Instead,  he said, "My office hours start soon."

"Right. Okay. Catch you around?"

Adam felt like he was speaking through molasses. "Later."

On any other day, Takashi might have walked Adam to his office. This time, he let him go alone. When he got to his office, Adam hurriedly typed up and printed out a sign that read,  _ Office hours canceled today. _ No one saw as he taped it on his door. No one saw him close the door a little too quickly. No one heard him lock the door.

There was a small card that Adam kept under a locked panel in his lowest drawer. The key for that locked panel was inside a different locked cabinet. Was Adam paranoid? Maybe a little. 

Was the card that important? Absolutely.

Adam took out his phone, and Takashi's face grinned up at him on the lockscreen. Adam hesitated.  _ Maybe I shouldn't . . . No, this is for the best. _

Before he could change his mind, Adam dialed the number. The man on the other end picked up on the second ring. "Hello?" He had a faint Spanish accent.

"Is it true?" Adam said. "About Shiro, his disease, is it true?"

There was a pause, in which Adam tried to remember Takashi's doctor's name, failed, remembered instead that he had said doctor's card, and read said card.  _ Warren Chandler-Marquez, Neurology and Neuromuscular Disorders. _

"It's Adam, right?" 

"With all due respect, Doctor, I don't think that's the most important thing right now."

"Please, call me Warren." There was another pause. "I hear congratulations are in order for your recent engagement." 

Adam's fingers drummed restlessly against his desk. "Thank you, but I need to know about Shiro's condition. He said it's getting worse. Is it true?"

"What exactly do you know about Hacker's disease, Adam?" Warren's voice was soft.

Adam's throat dried. "Um, well, for starters, I didn't know it was called that."

"I'm not surprised," Warren said. "Shiro's always been very shy about coming forth with his Hacker's. Even at appointments, he doesn't like to talk about it."

"How long . . ." Adam didn't want to finish the sentence. Thankfully, doctors seemed to have a good sense of knowing what you mean even if you don't say it.

"I've been his specialist since he was nine years old and in the ICU," Warren said. "But Hacker's is something that someone's born with, which means Shiro's been dealing with it his whole life. His body is fighting it much better than most. By normal standards, he should have succumbed when he was nineteen."

"So he's living on borrowed time."

"That's one way of putting it, I suppose."

Adam slid his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "And his time is running out."

"At most, only another two or three years. That's what I told him at our last meeting."

"And . . ." Adam chanced, "when was that?"

"A few weeks ago, on the fourteenth," Warren replied.

"A few weeks ago," Adam echoed. "A few weeks ago?"

"I know it must be frustrating." Warren's voice was chiding but not unkind. "It's just hard for him to talk about it, especially when it doesn't look very good."

"He's going on another mission soon," Adam said. "It's going to take him two and a half years to get there and back."

"If you're concerned about space travel, it doesn't look like it'll hurt him in any way," Warren assured him. "I've done vitals checks on him in space before, and it doesn't affect him too much. His muscles would be subject to atrophy in space even without Hacker's, so the exercises and routines are nothing new to him. In fact, being in space might actually be easier on his muscles because there's no strain from gravity or other extraneous forces acting on them. If anything's going to slow him down or put extra strain on his body, it's the return to Earth and the readjustment to terrestrial life."

"Oh." That didn't make things any better. "That's nice to know."

"Shiro's a very determined and hard-working young man." Warren sounded the way Sam Holt did when he talked about his children. "And I hear you're cut from a similar cloth."

"That's kind of him, but I'm just a teacher." Adam rolled his glasses around in his hand. "A teacher that tries to keep him from doing the stupid hotshot stuff that he always does."

"Shiro's capable of far more than either you or I can imagine. He's not someone you need to look out for. If anything, I'm just here to tell him how he's doing."

"Sure." 

"Besides, you can't really tell him anything. I'm sure you've noticed."

"Yeah."

"All right, well, tell him congratulations on Kerberos for me. I'm glad you called, Adam. I really am."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Doctor." Warren Chandler-Marquez hung up. Adam held his phone to his ear for a full ten seconds after he heard the disconnecting beep. He powered it off and tossed it across his desk, burying his face in one hand. "Shit." 

Before he could convince himself otherwise, Adam opened a new tab on his computer and typed in  _ Hacker's disease _ . He scrolled through each of the links, reading everything he could. They all gave pretty much the same information — a neuromuscular degenerative disease passed on genetically that had no known causes and no known cures. Average life expectancy, twenty years. Five stages, each one progressively worse until coma and, eventually, death. A list of possible treatments to stave off the inevitable end with names Adam had seen but couldn't pronounce. Some of the sites had pictures of what was happening in a person's body even if they looked fine on the outside. Adam shouldn't have looked, but he did. He should have trusted that if Takashi didn't want to talk about something that badly, it was something worth avoiding. He didn't.

Every case ended the same way. Takashi didn't have much time.  _ Adam _ didn't have much time.

He wouldn't let those three-and-a-half years slip through his fingers.

He couldn't.

* * *

A conversation that happened that night:

"I talked to your doctor earlier."

"Didn't know you had his number."

"I had his card."

"..."

"Why didn't you tell me when you found out?"

"What would I have said, Adam?"

"The same thing you told me six hours ago."

"I wasn't on the Kerberos mission when I got my new time limit."

"And you wouldn't be now."

"You don't want me to go."

"No."

"What do you think would happen? That I would die in space? I've gone to space under time limits before, Adam. We went to Saturn under one. Mimas. Titan. Ceres. Mars. Icarus. I've flown every mission under a time limit. What makes this one different?"

"The fact that this one is real, and the fact that I know about it now."

"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you, because you'd just worry and try to stop me."

"Isn't it my job to worry about you, Takashi? Isn't that my job?"

"No, Adam, it's not!"

"Then what is? What am I supposed to do while you go and you go, again and again, other than bite my nails and sleep alone and teach my classes  _ never knowing _ if you come back or not!"

"I don't want to have this conversation right now, Adam."

"Are we ever really going to have it, Takashi?"

" _ You _ don't get to decide whether or not we do!"

"..."

"Adam, wait — "

"Takashi, leave me alone — "

"Adam, no, wait, I'm sorry — "

 

Another conversation a few weeks later:

"Hey."

"Hey."

"..."

"..."

"Keith won again."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

"I've got papers to grade."

"I'll see you in a bit, then?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Okay."

 

Another conversation that happened a week later:

"I love you."

"I know."

"No, I mean it. I love you."

"I know that."

"I love you so much."

"I  _ know _ ."

 

And another:

"I am not going to watch you throw away your life like it doesn't mean anything, Takashi. I had to watch my dad lose my mom like this, and I'm not going to lose you the same way."

"You would have lost me anyway, Adam. I'm dying, and there's nothing you can do to change that!"

"Which is why I want you to stay with me instead of going to Kerberos."

"No, no, Adam, you don't understand — "

"What don't I understand?"

"You don't want me to throw my life away, but I'm doing that if I stay. Going to Kerberos in spite of all this, that means something to me, and everyone can see that. Staying doesn't mean anything."

"It means something to me!"

"Adam, don't — "

"I'm your fiance, Takashi! What the fuck do you think Kerberos can give you that I can't?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What will Kerberos give you that I can't?"

 

Still another:

"Please, will you just think it over some more?"

"I've thought about it plenty, Adam — it's  _ you _ that needs to rethink what this mission is about."

"It's about you. It's always been. I just — I — between the two of us, it seems like I'm the only one that seems to realize that. I'm the only one here that cares about you."

"If you really cared about me, you would let me go."

"And if you cared about me, you would stay."

"This isn't your mission, Adam — "

"I just hate never knowing what'll happen up there — "

"You could fucking  _ come with me _ and then you'd know! You're never there, Adam, you're never there! What are you so fucking afraid of that you won't come with me again?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, Takashi."

* * *

There was a knock on the office door the next day. Adam had hardly slept that night, but he'd rather sit in his office answering students' questions than go back and face Takashi after what had happened.

"Hey, Adam, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"What are those things on Shiro's wrists?" 

Of all the questions Keith could have asked, Adam was definitely not expecting that. Almost on reflex, he said shortly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't bullshit me, Adam." Keith's voice was low. "I've seen them before. He said it's some kind of stimulator. What are they for?"

"Keith, I couldn't tell you that," Adam said, biting his lip.

"What? Why not?" Keith's eyebrows furrowed. "You're his fiance, right?"

"Y-Yeah," Adam said. He cleared his throat. "Which is why the decision isn't up to me."

"Adam, he — he's my  _ friend _ ," Keith pressed. "Don't I deserve to know if something's wrong?"

"He's your friend, so he deserves to tell you himself," Adam repeated. At Keith's confused expression, he sighed softly and wrung his hands.  _ I don't know how I could tell you everything that I know, especially not when Takashi and I are fighting like this. It all started because I had to hear the news from someone else. I know what he means to you, and I don't want you to go through what I did.  _

Maybe Adam could have said what he was thinking, but instead he said carefully, "Keith, one day, if you grow up to love someone as much as I love Shiro, you'll understand why I can't be the one to tell you about these things. And maybe you'll understand why I want him to tell you himself."

"I've asked him before, and he doesn't ever give me a straight answer!" Keith exploded.

"He'll tell you the truth if you ask for it, Keith," Adam said. "Find him at a time when he can't say anything different. He'll tell you, I know he will. He trusts you." Adam paused. "We both do."

Keith made a noise that was somewhere between a scoff and a surprised inhale. "You trust me, Adam?"

"Does that surprise you?"

"Well, no, I mean, sort of, uh — " Keith tossed his bangs aside uncomfortably. "It's just that I'm not someone that most people trust."

Adam allowed himself a small smile. "I don't know if you noticed, Keith, but I'm not most people."

"Yeah, I guess not." Keith's returning smile was shy. "I'm going to go find Shiro. He's supposed to go racing with me later in the afternoon anyway."

"Good luck, Keith."

"Thanks, Adam."

As Adam watched the boy go, he couldn't help but think deep down, knowingly, that Takashi wouldn't hide from Keith what he hid from Adam. And Keith wouldn't ask the questions that Adam had. And Takashi and Keith would still be friends.

* * *

Adam had taken to grading his papers and preparing lessons in the instructors' lounge. It seemed that if he got home after Takashi, there were less chances for arguing. Adam hated arguing, especially with Takashi because he seemed to win all the time. He left Adam speechless for plenty of reasons.

Takashi figured out where Adam was going, but they left each other alone. Mostly. They knew where to find each other if anything urgent came up. Takashi's haven was the vehicle maintenance workshop, where he spent his off-training hours making problems and fixing them again.

2200 was their unspoken curfew. It gave enough time for a late dinner before an uneasy sleep and training exercises stealing Takashi away at 0700. 

Every once in a while, though, they could have a decent conversation and pretend that things were still okay between them. Or they'd marathon movies together. Adam still couldn't get Takashi all the way through the Blade Runner saga, but he definitely put effort into trying. Sometimes, they went for silent morning runs. Takashi mostly ran alone.

Adam heard the lounge door crash open and knew who it was without even looking. Takashi never visited, and Adam looked up, surprise coloring his voice. "Everything okay?"

"Iverson thinks I shouldn't be part of the mission." Takashi threw his bag on the couch, his voice flat. "He called in the big guns. Admiral Sanda showed up and tried to convince Sam to remove me from the crew."

"Well, maybe he's right." It never worked, but it was worth a try. "Maybe you shouldn't go on the mission. You would only be putting yourself at risk."

"You know how important this is to me, Adam." There was anger in Takashi's eyes, even if his voice was even. "It's worth the risk."

Adam's teacup slammed down without his even thinking about it. In all their past arguments, there had been a card that he'd saved in his hand for a day when things went too far. He didn't want to use it, but he felt cornered. These kinds of conversations kept happening. It was like no matter how their words began, the topic would always come to this. Takashi clearly didn't understand how much his well-being meant to Adam, and if he did, he didn't seem to care. He didn't seem to care that Adam had stuck by him despite their fights and had struggled with the knowledge of their three-year time limit and had loved him anyway the best he could. How else was Adam supposed to respond, other than, "Takashi, how important am I to you?"

He heard Takashi's sharp inhale, but he continued. "Every mission, every drill, I've been right there with you. But this is more than a mission. This is  _ your life _ at stake."

Adam heard Takashi's impatient sigh. "Don't start that again, Adam. You don't need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself"

_Yes, I do, I do need to protect you, because I love you._ _I love you, and I don't want to see you get hurt. You're not just my fiance, 'kashi, you're my best friend. And I don't want to lose you._ In later years, Adam would beat himself up for not saying the words that impulsively dashed across his mind and instead replying with equal hostility, "There's nothing left for you to prove. You've broken every record there is to break."

Takashi didn't say anything.

Adam's heart raced against his chest. No, no, this wasn't how things were supposed to work out. Takashi was supposed to stay. Adam was supposed to be there for him. They were supposed to get married. They were supposed to be together. Adam fought tears as he said quietly, "I know I can't stop you. But I won't go through this again."

He stood. Takashi wasn't even looking at him. 

_ Takashi, please, look at me. Please, just look at me. Please. _

The words spilled out of Adam's mouth even as every cell in his body was screaming at him not to. "So if you decide to go . . ."

_ Look up, 'kashi, please, please, look at me. _

Adam turned his head slightly. It was then that Takashi stared at him with those dark grey eyes, eyes that Adam had fallen in love with, eyes that were sharper than the Hubble Telescope, eyes that were full of ambition and determination, eyes that now blazed with barely-contained anger but now glimmered with a shred of despair. He knew what was coming. All Adam had to do was finish the sentence. He shouldn't have.

But he did.

"Don't expect me to be here when you get back." Adam grabbed his bag and headed for the door. For good measure, he added, "I have a class to teach."

He thought Takashi would come after him. He thought Takashi would say something. He thought Takashi would make some sort of noise or movement or anything to say that he'd head Adam's declaration.

It didn't happen.

The further Adam got from the instructors' lounge, the more he felt his eyes grow heavy. His pace quickened, his feet carrying him to his office through sheer muscle memory. His hands were shaking; it took him a good four tries to open the door and rush inside. Adam didn't even turn the lights on. He just closed the door as quietly as he could and slumped against it, burying his face in his hands. The ring on his finger dragged against his cheek, and he took it off and stared at it.

The ring was beautiful. It couldn't  _ not  _ be, having been forged straight from the ore of a comet. In the dim hallway light that trickled under the door, it glimmered tungsten-grey one way and light silver another. The stone set in it stared at Adam like an accusing eye, and Adam closed his fist over it, weeping silently. His finger felt empty, lonely, without the ring there. He thought about putting it back on, but then anything he had said wouldn't matter when he got back home.

Home. No way Adam could go back to their apartment after what he'd said. Where would he go? He didn't particularly have friends at the Garrison — hell, he didn't have friends in general. His whole life had pretty much just revolved around Takashi Shirogane since the day they met. 

And now it had come to this.

Adam suddenly remembered something that Takashi had said to him a long time ago.  _ Just promise me that you won't try to make exceptions for me because of all this. I usually don't tell people because then they don't see me, they just see the medical records. _

"I'm not making exceptions, Takashi, I swear I'm not," Adam whispered to his empty office. A voice nagged him in the back of his mind,  _ But you are. If he didn't have three years left to live, you would let him go. If you were brave enough, you would go in his place. You would save him, but no — you're weak, you're a coward. It's no wonder he's throwing you away now.  _

Adam slept in his office that night.

And the night after.

And the night after.

And the night after.

* * *

Adam only started sleeping in the apartment again when there were only two weeks left before the Kerberos launch and he couldn't bear his loneliness anymore. Takashi didn't say a word, and Adam didn't expect him to. He and Takashi took turns with the couch and bed. It was an unspoken agreement. They didn't sleep together anymore. Takashi woke up earlier so that he'd already be finished with his run and gone when Adam started boiling water for tea. Adam went home later and later so that Takashi would already be asleep and Adam would just take whatever space Takashi wasn't occupying. Sometimes, Adam dreamed that Takashi was holding him in bed or they were cuddling together on the couch. They were nice dreams, but they were terrible ones because they only reminded Adam of what he couldn't have.

The night before Takashi had to go into pre-flight quarantine, though, Adam could have sworn that Takashi stumbled into bed, heavy with the scent of beer, while Adam was curled up on one side pretending to be asleep. He could have sworn he heard himself say, "Not supposed to drink with Hacker's." He could have sworn that he watched Takashi undress and crawl under the covers, burying his face in Adam's neck. He could have sworn that Takashi kissed him feverishly and fervently until he forgot that they weren't talking anymore. He could have sworn that he had returned Takashi's kisses with equal ferocity and hunger and that their bodies, starved of each other for so long, had come together in a surreal sort of haze and that Takashi's electro-stimulators were silent for the first time and that Takashi had asked in his drunken stupor and Adam hadn't known what else to say other than,  _ Yes. _

But when Adam woke early the next morning, Takashi was gone. He hadn't left a single mark on Adam's body, no reminder of what had happened the night before, no proof that Adam hadn't just desperately imagined things. Their bedroom didn't even carry a trace of beer. There was only the fact that Adam woke up with no clothes on and a slight ache in his legs that he couldn't prove hadn't resulted from just sleeping awkwardly.

He hadn't been able to sleep for the two weeks after, either.

It was a Tuesday morning, 0658. Three hours and two minutes before the launch. Adam had told himself that he wouldn't go, but his hands worked to get him dressed and his legs walked him out the door. The sun was just beginning to rise, coloring the sky lavender and gold and cyan and magenta. There were no clouds as Adam walked towards the launch site. It wasn't a long walk, and Adam took that time to realize that he was wearing the shirt that Takashi had tossed aside two weeks ago, a plain gray V-neck that clung to his skin like sweat. He covered his nose and mouth with it, and Takashi's scent floated up to him, a sweet mix of cedar and charcoal.

Would he ever breathe in Takashi like that again?

The rocket that would steal Takashi away for the last time loomed in the barren desert as a cool breeze ruffled Adam's hair. He suddenly wondered if Takashi had taken his shirt and was breathing in Adam's scent for the last time. Adam couldn't remember what he had worn last night before throwing it and all his cares away. 

At least his sweats were his own. 

Adam hadn't brought anything with him save for the Olympus and his phone. He found a flat-ish rock that was far away to not be seen but close enough to see and perched himself on it. A rather irritated-looking lizard joined him for all of six seconds before scurrying away again. Adam glanced at the time on his phone. 0723. Two hours and thirty-seven minutes.

Suddenly, Adam realized that he wasn't wearing his ring. He'd broken off their engagement long ago, but he'd still worn his ring — if not to keep up appearances, than just to reassure himself that everything would be okay. Eventually. Adam patted down his shirt but only came up with his dog tags. He must have lost the ring in bed. Or maybe Takashi had taken it back. Or maybe he'd taken it off and put it away somewhere and forgotten about it.

His neck felt strangely naked without it.

Adam uncapped the Olympus and recapped it again. And again. And again. 

Was it okay to still be in love with someone who was not exactly an ex but not exactly a lover and not exactly a friend either? Was it okay to still be in love with someone who you didn't knew whether or not he loved you back? Was it okay to still be in love with someone who was gone in so many different ways?

Was it okay to still be in love with Takashi Shirogane? 

Adam started drawing on his wrist, and before he knew it, Takashi's face was staring back at him from his forearm. Adam silently cursed the fact that he had kept his drawing skills sharp through his whole Garrison career. Otherwise, there would be some little mistake, some misplaced line or curve that Adam could use to convince himself that it wasn't Takashi on his forearm. He put the Olympus back to his arm to cover up the drawing, to black it away and forget that it existed. 

Adam was halfway through scribbling out Takashi's face when the ink ran out. He shook it and tried again. Nothing. He forced the pen tip so hard against his arm that it scratched his skin. Pink lines scored across Takashi's eyes and nose, one gleaming with tiny beads of blood at Takashi's eyebrow.

"Damn it!" Adam screamed to no one, hurling the Olympus weakly across the rocks. It skittered to a stop only a few meters away, its tip pointed accusingly at Adam. He curled one hand into a fist and used the other to cover his messy arm. He didn't stop the tears that plummeted from his cheeks into the ink and blood on his skin. He cried there for a long time, and no one was around to hear or stop him.

He didn't hear his phone ring one last time.

All he heard was the roar of the rocket.

* * *

When he got home, he listened to the message.

_ "Hey, Adam. It's Takashi. Uh, there's not much time left before I have to go, but Sam said I should call you one more time. Um, I've called twice already and you haven't picked up, so either you left your phone at home and you're watching the launch or you're still at home and, um, not watching. Which is okay too. Yeah. Uh, gosh, well, I guess this must be kind of awkward, seeing as how we're not — uh, not what we used to be. I guess. That's not a great way of putting it, but, well . . . yeah.  _

_ "The truth is . . . I meant what I said when I . . . when I proposed to you. Going on missions like Kerberos is important, but having you there with me from launch to landing — that's what means the most to me. Flying all over the solar system doesn't mean anything to me unless I know you're rooting for me. I . . . I have no idea why I didn't just tell you that from the start. Maybe it sounded too selfish? I don't have a good reason, Adam, and I don't think I can ask you to forgive me for that.  _

_ "I know you wanted me to stay so we could spend however long I had left together, get married, settle even. And believe me, there's always going to be this part of me that wants that, too. I'm sorry that you had to fall in love with me when I can't — well, when I'm like this. You'd say there's nothing wrong with me — you always do. But there  _ is _ , Adam, there  _ is  _ something wrong with me. There are lots of things wrong with me, and one of them is that I never tried to make things right between us before just running off to the edge of the solar system. Last night . . . well, I don't remember much other than the fact that it  _ happened _ and the fact that . . . I mean, when I saw you, you know, last night, I, uh — well, I saw that you still had your ring. And that just made me realize how much you're willing to go through for me. _

_ "Adam, I don't deserve that. I can't ever be able to deserve what you do for me. I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner, and if I did, I don't know why I didn't do anything about it. The truth is, I took you for granted. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Adam. You . . . you've always been there for me, and I haven't done the same for you, and it was selfish and stupid and just really shitty of me to keep fighting you to the point of where we are now. _

_ "I don't know if you and me are fixable. I don't know if we have that kind of time. So, just for now, sort of like a down payment on my realness or seriousness or honesty or whatever you want to call it — I want you to have the apartment. I know you were sleeping in your office. I — Please don't do that anymore. Even when I come back, I want you to be the one to decide whether or not we should try to live like we used to or just go our separate ways. I . . . I don't know what to say to make this right. I — I'm sorry — I'm sorry for pushing you away — I'm sorry for asking this of you now.  _

_ "Whatever happens to me, Adam, I want you to be happy. I know that going to Kerberos is a terrible way of showing that, but I mean it. Whether it's with me or someone else or just by yourself, I want you to live a good, long life. Please.  _

_ "Every time you tell me, I just say 'I know'. I shouldn't have, especially when it meant so much to you. So I'm saying it now. Even if it's late. I mean, I've kept you waiting since the beginning. I don't want to do that now. So here it goes: _

_ "I love you, Adam. _

_ "And I'm sorry. _

_ "I have to go now." _

* * *

"Is this a bad time?"

"Of course not. What's up?"

Keith was out of uniform, and he looked like he wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it. Adam didn't blame him. Honestly, Adam would have lent him a shovel and bulldozer if he could. The light had left Keith's eyes. He mumbled, "I just miss Shiro."

"Yeah?"

"He said you two broke up," Keith said. "Is that true?"

After an eternal second of hesitation, Adam nodded. "I think so."

"You think?"

"Keith, it's complicated." Adam rested his chin on his hands. 

"But you were going to get married."

"We were." Adam fought to keep his tone even. "That's right, we were. But things just got too difficult to handle for the two of us, so I — we thought it better to handle them separately."

"Things," Keith echoed. "You mean Kerberos."

"Yeah," Adam admitted. "Kerberos."

"Can I . . . Can I ask what happened?"

"Shiro didn't say anything?"

"He said that you didn't want him going, but he was going anyway."

"That's basically it." Adam sighed. "Keith, how old are you?"

"What?"

"How old are you?"

"Uh . . . just turned seventeen?"

"Good enough," Adam nodded. He stood up and switched out his Garrison jacket for a casual one. He checked to make sure his wallet was still there and hurried out the door. "And happy late birthday. Come on."

"What — what are you doing? Hey, where are you going?" Keith raced after him.

"You mean where are  _ we _ going," Adam corrected as he rounded corners and strode down halls towards the building exit. "You'll see."

Adam pretty much threw open the Garrison doors and started walking towards Plaht City. There was a gas station a quarter-mile in that direction, and he planned to take Keith there. It wasn't too long of a walk, even though it got dark pretty quickly. Adam hadn't checked the time before leaving. Keith didn't question what was going on for most of the walk. He just let it happen. Adam didn't do this kind of impulsive thing often — that was Takashi's job description.

Today, though, Keith had recently turned seventeen, and Adam had a decent amount of cash in his wallet.

Adam held the door open while Keith hesitantly wandered in. "Seriously? A gas station?"

"Absolutely." Adam grabbed a pack of assorted licorice flavors. "Stock up on whatever you want. We can hide it in my office if we have leftovers."

Keith stared at the racks of brightly colored candy and chips and miscellaneous junk food. "I'm going to fucking get diabetes."

"I'll make you do drills on Friday, now just grab whatever looks unhealthy," Adam said. "I'll be back in a second."

He went over to the refrigerators and scanned the alcohol section. Adam was usually not a drinker, but then again, he and Keith were usually not left on Earth both knowing that Takashi's time was running out. He had no idea what to buy, so he grabbed what he assumed was a reasonably-priced six-pack and headed back over to where Keith was. Adam almost laughed out loud at the insane amount of cinnamon taffy Keith was holding. There were a few bags of chocolate and off-brand gummies in the mix, too. Keith looked quizzically at the beer Adam was carrying, but Adam just nodded and ushered him to the register.

The man behind the register didn't even ask for an ID, just absently scanned all eleven bags of taffy plus some chocolate, off-brand gummies, assorted licorice, and a six-pack. Adam opened up his wallet, ignored the picture of him and Takashi there, and tapped his card to the pinpad. Preparations complete.

Keith still seemed really confused as to why Adam was insisting they go back the way they came but veering towards the sleeping launch site. No rockets towered tonight, and Adam led Keith over to the spot where he had watched Takashi's rocket break the atmosphere and take him away, away, away.

"Dig in, Keith." Adam busted open his bag of licorice and popped a red piece in his mouth.

"I don't know how you stand that stuff," Keith said, tearing open a bag of taffy and unwrapping one.

"Says the one munching on cinnamon taffy."

"Touche, Adam." Keith unwrapped another cinnamon-flavored taffy and stuck it in his mouth without even having swallowed the first one. "Thanks for this, by the way."

"Junk food is God's way of telling us He wanted us to be happy," Adam replied.

"You believe in God?"

Adam shrugged. "I don't really see a reason not to. I don't know half of what's in the Bible, I just like the idea of someone more powerful than me being able to handle things that I can't."

"That sounds nice." Keith put another two pieces in his mouth, his cheeks blown up slightly. "If there really is a God out there, I think He gave me a real shitty starting hand."

"Yeah?"

"I mean, my mom left us when I was a baby," Keith shrugged. "My dad used to tell me she did it because she loved us, but I couldn't imagine what kind of loving mother would just abandon her kid and husband like that. And then my dad . . . well, you know what happened."

"Yeah," Adam said. "My dad wasn't cool with me liking boys instead of girls, so we just stopped talking. And my mom had cancer. I used to wonder what she would think about me, whether she'd be okay with it or if she'd take my dad's side or something. Dad would say that I didn't know my mother well enough to fight with her the way I fought with him."

"Shit," Keith breathed.

Adam shrugged. "It's not like my parents had a lot to begin with. I think losing my mom just made my dad kind of crazy about things he wouldn't have been crazy about otherwise." He set down his licorice. "Anyway, we can have more sad stories after this." 

With some difficulty, Adam managed to pry two beers free. He popped the cap off one and handed it to Keith. "Happy birthday."

"Are you serious?" There was a bright sort of guarded curiosity in Keith's voice as he eyed the bottle.

"Don't make it a habit, and don't drink unsupervised," Adam said as seriously as he could. He smiled and popped the cap off his own beer. "Bottoms up?"

Keith took a small sip, grimaced, and raised an eyebrow. "It's not bad. I think. I've never drunk before, so I wouldn't know."

"That's good," Adam said. He looked his beer up and down before taking a long swig. It was all he could do to keep from coughing in front of Keith. 

"Is it legal to eat this much candy with beer?"

Adam shrugged. "Didn't see a warning sign."

Keith laughed a little. "Why — why are you doing this? I mean, I thought you were the, you know,  _ not  _ rule-breaking one."

Adam looked at Keith pointedly. "Shiro would have fallen off this rock laughing if he heard you say that."

"Why, 'cause I'm wrong?"

"No, 'cause you're right." Adam suddenly remembered the day he and Shiro had met, when Shiro had flusteredly stumbled over the difference between  _ right _ and _ Wright _ when he was introducing himself to Adam. God, how long ago was that? 

Keith must have noticed something in his face, because he said carefully, "If it helps anything, I'm sorry you and Shiro broke up."

Adam took another long drink. "Thanks, Keith."

"Do you think — when he comes back . . ." Keith left the question hanging in the air.

"I don't know," Adam said honestly. "I think if we need to fall back on it, the possibility would always be there, but . . . I don't know if I could do that again." He thought of Takashi's final message, the one that Adam had saved and listened to when he was missing Takashi just to miss him more. There had been hope, but there had also been a respectful acknowledgment of the new space between them, too. 

"I just don't really understand how — "

Adam sensed how the question was going to end and quickly cut Keith off. "Hey, we're here to be sad and drink and eat all the junk we can. I don't know about you, but I'm going to do more drinking and eating." Just to prove himself, Adam stuffed a handful of licorice in his mouth and munched pointedly. As if in answer, Keith downed the rest of his beer, some of it glistening around his mouth.

"Can I have another one?"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three."

"Okay, go ahead."

Between the two of them, they finished six of the eleven taffy bags (Keith inhaled every single piece except for one that Adam had made the mistake of trying), the licorice (all Adam), half a bag of chocolate (since Keith realized that chocolate did not go well with cinnamon taffy), two bags of gummy bears (one each), and four bottles of beer (two each). Keith didn't ask about Takashi again, and Adam was all too happy not to talk about him. The night passed into naming stars and constellations and what craters of the Moon they could see at this time of year while being half-drunk. Adam checked the time at regular intervals. He didn't want Keith getting in trouble for missing curfew or being caught drinking. Interestingly enough, the alcohol didn't seem to affect Keith's senses as much as it messed with Adam's.

"We should head back," Adam said., standing up 

"What about — "

"I'll just stash it in my office," Adam said. "Come grab a bite whenever you want. I sure as hell am not eating all of this."

Keith stood and stretched. "This was pretty nice."

"You wanna come out here again sometime?"

"Sure." Keith licked his lips. "I like it out here. It's quiet."

"Yeah?" Adam nudged Keith's shoulder. "We'll find a time."

"Okay."

There were two more half-drunken candy-filled stargazing nights, two for the two people waiting for Takashi to come home.

* * *

Adam was in his office, flipping through the sketchbook in which he'd written his empty vows, when the news broke. There was a knock on his door. Adam had expected a student, hopefully Keith, but instead it was Commander Iverson. His gruff face was unusually mournful, which was the first sign that something was wrong.

"Adam, have you heard?" That was the second sign. Iverson always called him "Wright".

"Heard?"

"The most recent update from Kerberos," Iverson said slowly. "It's going on air in a few hours, but I thought it would be better if you heard it from a person."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"The Kerberos crew . . ." Iverson trailed off. "Sam, Matt, Shiro . . ."

"What. The. Hell. Happened." Adam's knuckles were white around his sketchbook as he stood up, his legs shaking.

"They're missing." Iverson handed Adam a manila folder labeled "Kerberos". The first thing Adam saw was Takashi's profile and his smiling picture, both of which he hadn't been prepared to see. He flipped past it almost too quickly. Iverson definitely noticed, but he didn't say anything.

Adam read the mission logs and briefings, every system update and radio transcript that had come through. Nothing seemed to make sense. No, not Takashi, not like this, anything but this — "I don't understand."

"We're not sure what it means, either, but there are facts," Iverson said, not unkindly. "The crew is gone, Adam."

"Have you told Sam's wife and daughter yet?" Adam asked. "Colleen and Katie? Do they know?"

Iverson shook his head. "It took some debate for me to be able to tell you the truth, since you're an officer. The story they're putting out there is that the shuttle crashed due to pilot error."

"Bullshit," Adam spat. "Takashi was the best pilot you ever had, and people know that. No one will believe you."

"It's not about being believed, Adam," Iverson responded. "It's about putting something out there. We can't make people believe something, but we can give them something to believe if they choose to."

"You can't — This isn't — you can't just — " Adam stammered. He took a deep breath and whispered, "Did you have any idea how much this meant to him? And now you're just taking it all away."

"I'm sorry, Adam." Iverson sounded sincere. "Don't watch the nine o'clock tonight. There's going to be a memorial service in a few days. I'm sorry. It's not my call."

Adam just nodded hollowly. He didn't realize he was crying until Iverson left.

* * *

"Pilot error," Keith repeated. "That's a fucking lie."

"It's what they told me," Adam said. "They don't have any other explanation."

"You mean, they didn't look for another one," Keith corrected. 

Both of them had left the memorial service early and headed to their drinking spot in the desert. Adam had been asked to say a few words and literally said only a few words. He didn't have Takashi's natural talent for public speaking and had just said a few measly, passive-aggressive  sentences along the lines of "The Garrison fucked up and lost the Kerberos crew. Thank you and goodbye."

"He's still out there," Keith said. His hands fidgeted like he'd rather have a beer in one of them. "You know he is, Adam, he  _ has _ to be."

"Maybe," Adam allowed. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Keith, maybe they really are just . . ." He hated the word. "Gone. Even if it wasn't Shiro's fault. Maybe there's nothing we can — "

"How can you be so calm about all of this?" Keith exploded. "I would have expected you of all people to understand!"

"I am  _ not  _ calm, Keith!" Adam retorted. "I just — "

"You were expecting something like this to come up, weren't you?" Keith accused. "And now that it's finally happened, you're just going to say 'I told you so', aren't you?"

"Keith, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"I thought you fucking loved him!"

"I did! And I still do!"

"Then why wouldn't you just let him go?" Keith's voice broke. "Kerberos was going to be the last and biggest mission of his life, and you  _ left  _ him. You left him when he needed you there, and now — and now — " 

"Keith, there was nothing I could do." Adam spread his hands helplessly. "I didn't want things to come to this, I swear that. I just — I wanted him to — God damn it, I don't even know."

"The least you could have done was go to the launch," Keith said. There was blame in his eyes, even if it didn't reach his voice. "He asked where you were. No one knew. He was waiting for you."

"You were there."

"Of course I was." Keith raised his chin. "Because Shiro's the only friend I've got, and the least I could do was be there for him."

"Don't make this worse for yourself, Keith," Adam said harshly. "He was already gone before he left."

"Because you fucking gave up on him!" Keith retorted. 

"He gave up on what we had!" Adam shot back. "He was dead to me the minute he chose Kerberos over his own life."

There was a moment of stunned silence, in which Keith's lower lip started to quiver and Adam realized exactly what he had said. He reached out hesitantly, stammering an apology, but Keith just shook his head and backed away. "Don't you fucking try. I'm going to find the truth, even if you won't help me."

Adam should have run after him.

He didn't.

* * *

The Garrison was very controlled chaos for about a month after the announcement of the Kerberos failure, like a bomb that needed only the slightest of prods to completely explode. 

The prod came when Katie Holt was expelled for breaking into Iverson's office and reading classified mission logs. Adam hadn't seen it happen; he'd just heard the news when it was whispered in the halls. 

Adam saw less and less of Keith, even though everyone's eyes were on him. There were plenty that knew about Shiro and Keith's close friendship. Katie was Matt's sister and Sam's daughter. If anyone was going next, it was Keith. Adam tried go keep a close eye on Keith, but Keith seemed to be purposefully avoiding him. Not that Adam could blame him.

Adam had no idea how the fight started, but he was there for the end. He was on his way to the cafeteria when he heard shouts and a loud clatter. His teacher's instinct took over, and he ran towards the source of the noise. He had to fight through a crowd of other students and another teacher to see what was going on. And it wasn't pretty.

Keith had another cadet in a leglock while two other students and Lieutenant Ryu were trying to pry them apart. Adam watched, dumbstruck, as Keith grabbed hold of Ryu's arm, swung himself around, and launched one of his opponents into a table with a sickening crash. Adam recognized the students trying to hold Keith back from his fighter group, James Griffin and Ryan Kinkade. The kid that Keith had been sitting on, Adam didn't know, but he looked absolutely murderous. He took a swing at Keith when his back was turned, and Keith blocked the blow and twisted the kid's arm over his knee while lashing out at Ryan with the other foot.

_ Where the fuck did he learn to fight like that? _

"Move," Adam ordered. "Everyone else, move. Go on, get out. Someone find Commander Iverson."

The circle of students that had gathered around to watch the fight needed to further encouragement and scattered. Adam wanted to jump in, but he had no idea what to do. He found his opening when the unknown kid's arm snapped and Keith let him go, turning his attention to the three others who had been trying to restrain him this entire time. 

"Keith!" Adam called, his pulse quickening. "Keith, you have to stop this!"

Keith's head whipped around, his pupils dark slits in his indigo irises. "Stay the fuck out of this."

"Keith, listen to me," Adam said. "Ryan, get the kid to a medic. Keith, you need to stop this. Right now. Come on, Keith — "

Adam didn't get a chance to finish his sentence. Ryan didn't get to help the other kid to his feet. Ryu and James didn't get a chance to react. Keith lunged past all of them towards someone else. Adam hadn't even seen Iverson enter the room, a flock of scared students following him. There was something in his hand that Keith had seen; as soon as Adam saw Iverson raise it, he immediately ran over. "No, wait, don't!"

Iverson pulled the trigger. The first shot missed, but the second tranq dart buried itself in Keith's arm. It didn't slow him down long enough to deliver a well-placed blow to Iverson's face. Adam heard a nasty crack, like Iverson's nose had broken. Keith pushed past the other kids, stumbling down the halls as the tranquilizer took effect. Adam caught him as he fell, the strength disappearing from his bloody fists.

There was a medic waiting with a gurney. Keith was limp in Adam's arms, his lips fluttering 

"Get him up there," Iverson growled, blood running from his nose down his chin. "And take care of the others." He put a hand on Adam's arm. "You hurt, Wright?"

"No, I'm fine — "

It was then that Keith stirred, his eyes blinking open. His voice was weak. ". . . Adam?" He caught sight of Iverson and scrambled backwards, his hands curling into fists.

Adam caught him. "Keith, hey, look at me. Hey, right here. Look at me." Adam caught Iverson's eyes and tried to convey that he had the situation under control. "We're just going to go to my office, all right?" He exaggerated the words  _ my office _ slightly, and Iverson was wise enough to let them go. Adam waved the medics and other students away as he grabbed Keith's hand and helped him up. With a few suspicious looks at everyone that was staring, Keith let himself be led away.

Adam closed the door behind Keith. "Hey."

"How long was I out?" 

"Only a few seconds." Adam said. "Are you hurt?"

Keith shook his head. "And the others?"

"Don't know yet." Adam crossed his arms. "What happened?"

"Got in a fight," Keith said shortly. "I guess this means they're booting me now."

"I can try to talk to — "

Keith shook his head. "I broke Iverson's nose and McClain's arm. They're not going to keep me here." He sighed. "Besides, it's probably better this way. I never belonged here, Shiro's gone, and now there's no one left to argue about Kerberos."

"Do you have a place to go?"

"I'll figure something out."

Adam was quiet for a while. He found a pen and a scrap of paper and scribbled something down on it. "Here."

Keith glanced at it. "What's this for?"

"That's my number," Adam said. "I know I haven't been great to you recently, but if there's ever anything you need . . . Call, okay? It's okay if it's collect."

Keith stuffed the scrap of paper in his pocket. "Thanks, Adam. Uh, can I ask you a favor?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Can you take care of Shiro's bike for me?"

There was a lump in Adam's throat that refused to go away. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. I'll watch the bike."

"I guess I'd better go start packing." Keith gestured to his uniform. "They're going to want this back."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, Adam," Keith said. He sounded like he meant it. "Maybe I'll run into you sometime."

"Yeah."

Keith turned to go. His back to Adam, he said, "Don't tell anyone else that I'm sorry for what I did."

"You got it."

"Bye."

"Good luck out there, Keith."

"Yeah, you too."

And just like that, Keith was gone.

* * *

Kerberos haunted Adam for another year. It churned his thoughts, tossed his dreams in waves. There was no news. A probe that had been sent out brought back no new information. The crew and everything they had was just . . . gone. There was a rumor circulating around about aliens, but Adam didn't want to believe them. It was easier to accept that Takashi was dead than that he was alive and captive and slowly dying from the illness that had consumed his entire life.

Well, at least until Adam got the announcement that an inbound meteor was ripping towards Earth in the middle of the night, right in the Garrison's front yard. Adam leaped into the car that Takashi had left behind and sped towards the impact site where the Garrison realized that it wasn't a meteor, it was a  _ ship. _

An officer was handing out hazmat suits to technicians and medical officers when Adam arrived. Hope gnawed at his insides like a starving lion; he refused to let it get the better of him. He played with his sleeves and collar restlessly, fidgeting while engineers tried to pick apart the ship and figure out how to open it. Suddenly, a door hissed open and a figure stumbled out, wearing purple and grey rags. Adam recognized him on sight, long before someone else could name him.

"It's Shiro!"

"Shiro?"

"It's really him!"

"Come on, get him in the tent — "

_ Takashi? _

Adam blindly pushed past the other Garrison staff on his way to the medical tent. Iverson was at the exit, talking to some other officers. He saluted disbelievingly. "Commander?"

"Lieutenant."

“Let me see him.”

“Wright, we can’t do that yet.”

“I said, let me  _ see him _ .” There was a definite edge to Adam’s words that hadn’t been there earlier.

“The man just fell from space, Wright,” Iverson said coldly. “There’s a procedure for this. You’ll have to wait.”

_ I’ve waited long enough _ , Adam thought bitterly. He didn’t say anything at first. “You get finished in there, and I’m the first one in.”

“Deal.”

So Adam waited. It had been two years; surely he could bear another hour? He heard Takashi’s voice from inside the tent, yelling muffled things about aliens and weapons. Iverson ducked into the tent and gave a few orders. Adam hated not knowing what was going on. He wondered if Takashi would ask for him at all. Keith had mentioned that he had been looking for Adam at the launch; what would Takashi think now?

A distant explosion interrupted Adam’s thoughts. Then another. Another. A whole chunk of the desert was on fire. Officers and techs scrambled to their vehicles, and Iverson ran out of the tent. “Wright, get moving!”

“But Shiro – “

“We can worry about him in a bit,” Iverson said. “Right now, we need to make sure that there wasn’t anything following him.”

Helplessly, Adam got in his car, throwing a spare handheld radio in the passenger seat. Honestly, he doubted it was an alien that had caused the explosion. The explosions had happened too far away from the landing site to be related, and if it was a hostile race that was advanced enough to make whatever it was that Takashi had landed in, Adam figured that they would have better targeting systems. He hung back near the end of the line of cars and tanks that the Garrison had dispatched to both the landing and the explosion sites.

“The bombs were planted,” Iverson commed over the radio. “It was a ruse. Everyone get back to the landing site! Get me a report of the medical tent.”

There was static.

“Med Team Four, come in.”

Static.

“Can anyone at the landing site hear me?”

Static.

“Sir, look!”

Adam craned his neck out the window to see a small speck zooming away from the landing site and the tents. It wasn’t moving very fast, and Adam’s car quickly caught up. He couldn’t believe it.

It was a hoverbike.

It had to be Keith.

“I’ve got eyes on them!” Adam commed in. He lied, “No idea who it is yet.”

“Keep on their tail, Wright,” Iverson ordered. “We cannot let them get away.”

Adam kept chasing as much as he could. The hoverbike was faster than he’d anticipated, and it swerved sharply down another outcropping. Some cars behind him crashed into each other, but Adam was a recklessly careful driver, catching up all the way until the hoverbike launched itself down the cliff. As Adam watched, it leveled out and continued on its course. He couldn’t get down the cliff fast enough. To even try would be suicide.

It took him about an hour to get back to the landing site, where Iverson was checking cameras and interviewing personnel. Same story – a young man in a bandanna broke in and broke Shiro out. Adam had a very good guess as to who that young man in the bandanna was, but there was nothing he could do about it. After a couple frustrated hours of no conclusions, Iverson ordered everyone back to the base. They would continue the search tomorrow morning.

Adam retired to his office. He didn’t feel like heading back to the apartment, and he sure as hell wasn’t going into the instructor’s lounge. He had just sat down when his phone rang.

“If it’s you, Iverson, I swear to God – “ Adam picked up. “Hello?”

“Adam?”

“Keith?!”

“Yeah, it’s me – “

“Please tell me that wasn’t you that broke Shiro out just now.”

The resulting pause enough of an answer. “Keith, what the fuck were you thinking? The entire Garrison’s looking for him. Just bring him back, okay? No one has to know it was you – “

“Adam, do you want to see him?”

It was a question Adam hadn’t prepared himself to answer. “What?”

“The sedative’s worn off and the others are asleep.”

“Others?”

“Look, don’t worry about it.” Keith sounded impatient. “He’s asking where you are. Do you want to talk to him?”

“Keith, if you bring him back, then we could – “

“I can’t do that.”

“What? Why not?”

“Did you even see what they were trying to do?”

There was another long pause. Finally, Adam gave in. “Okay. Fine. I won’t tell anyone. Just tell me where you are.”

“I’ll send by the coordinates. But Adam, please, don’t tell.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

A short exhale on the other side. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you soon.”

A moment later, Adam’s phone buzzed with the coordinates Keith had sent him. Checking it out on the map, it was a good three miles into the desert. He couldn’t take the car without attracting some unwanted attention. There was always another option, though.

Adam sprinted into the vehicle workshop where Takashi had liked to tinker with his bike. Adam prayed that there wasn’t some new modification that Takashi had only halfway installed and left unfinished and that the bike was still drivable. Had Adam actually driven a hoverbike before? No. Had he ridden normal motorcycles before? Once. Had he watched Takashi drive it plenty of times to get an idea of how to make it work? Sort of.

The keys were under the seat like they always were. Adam twisted them into the ignition and swung his leg over the side. The  _ Oklahoma Freedom Eagle  _ grumbled to life, and Adam nudged it forward, pushing the pedal and turning the handlebar like he’d seen Takashi do so many times. Before he knew it, he was gone.

Keith’s coordinates led to a beaten-down shack. Adam had no idea whether Keith had built it himself or if it had just happened to be there. It didn’t matter. That wasn’t the most important thing. Adam powered down the hoverbike on a small hill in front of the shack and pulled out his phone again. He called the most recent number again, and Keith picked up on the first ring. “Adam?”

“I’m here.” That was all Adam could say before the door opened, and Keith stepped outside, still holding the phone to his ear. Following him was –

It was –

It was –

_ “Takashi?” _ Adam whispered. He saw Takashi’s lips move but didn’t hear what he said. Takashi started running, and Adam’s pace quickened. They met halfway up the hill. Takashi’s arms were open, but he lowered them when he saw Adam.

Adam stared at Takashi’s face, at the scar across his nose, at his shock of white hair, at his disbelieving expression, at his grey, grey eyes. “Is it – is it really you?”

“Adam?” Takashi’s voice quavered, and Adam almost started crying. He hadn’t heard that voice in years, apart from a single recording from two years ago.

Adam had no idea what to say, so he just commented, “Your hair’s terrible.”

Takashi, even though he looked like he was about to cry, laughed at that. Adam had missed Takashi’s laugh, the way it was light and contagious, and Adam was laughing, too. Takashi just whispered, “Stress does terrible things to a person.”

It was then that Adam noticed that Takashi’s right arm was gone, replaced by a metal prosthetic far more elegant than anything created on Earth. Takashi noticed him staring and said, “I don’t really remember where I got this. Stuff blurs together.”

“Where . . .” Adam was afraid to ask. “Where were you?”

Takashi shook his head. “I have no idea. I can’t remember a lot, just flashes. I do know one thing, though.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not sick anymore.” Takashi gave a soft, small smile. “My disease – it’s gone. There was one point when I was fighting and I thought I was going to pass out or something, but my electro-stimulators didn’t do anything, and I looked down, and they were gone. I didn’t need them anymore, Adam, I was cured. The Galra – they must have done something to fix me.”

"Fighting?"

"The Galra — they were into bloodsports. I — I — I — " Takashi winced as though he'd just been punched. Adam reached for him instinctively, and his hand found Takashi's flesh arm. Both of them looked up, surprised by the contact. Takashi put his metal hand over Adam's. "Sorry, it's hard to remember."

"That's okay." Adam couldn't take his eyes away from Takashi's new hand. 

Takashi seemed to read the question that Adam was about to say while it was still forming in his mind. "I can still feel you." He touched Adam's face, and Adam felt more fragile than porcelain as the tears slipped from his eyes. Takashi wiped away the first tear with his thumb. "I felt that."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," Adam whispered, leaning into Takashi's touch.

One corner of Takashi's mouth curved upwards. "And I thought you said you wouldn't be here." 

"I think we both know that I'm past that." Takashi's hand left Adam's face at the same time that Adam's arms folded around Takashi's waist, holding him close like he should have done two years ago. Takashi rested his head on Adam's shoulder, squeezing him just as tight. Adam doubted that either one of them could really breathe, but he didn't care. Takashi was alive and safe and  _ here  _ and that was what mattered. He never thought he'd get to see Takashi again, much less hold him like he was now.

Takashi pulled away slightly. He tapped Adam's chest. "Is that — ?"

"It is." Adam reached underneath his jacket and shirt and pulled out his dog tag chain, his engagement ring dangling between the tags. "Found it under the pillow the day of the launch. It was like getting visited by the Tooth Fairy again."

"You kept it," Takashi whispered. 

"Yeah," Adam said. "Yeah, I did."

"I took mine with me," Takashi said. "But they took it right with my arm. Sam had to give up his ring, too."

"It's okay. We can get new ones."

"New ones?"

Adam realized what he'd just said. Heat flooded his cheeks, but he managed to stumble through his next few sentences. "Uh, yeah. You know, if it's still an option or if you still want to and since you're back and all . . ." He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Look, I was mad at you leaving. And there were a lot of times when I still was. But I think the reason why it was so hard on me — on both of us — was that I wasn't just mad, I was scared. And I didn't know what to do with that fear, and I guess it just wound up getting between us. The point is — I'm sorry for trying to hold you back. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the last time you'd be needing me, which I guess wasn't the last time after all. I'm sorry I wasn't better to you, Takashi."

"Hey, you didn't do anything wrong," Takashi countered. " _ I'm _ the one that hurt  _ you. _ Adam, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of you. I didn't understand it then, but I get it now, what you were trying to get me to see. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner, that I put some stupid space mission above the most important person in my life."

"Kerberos wasn't stupid — "

"I'm not finished." Takashi smiled sadly. "I should have seen that you were just trying to look out for me. I should have been thankful for that, not throw it away. I should have married you sooner. Do you remember the night before I had to get in quarantine?"

Adam raised an eyebrow. "We might remember different things."

"I was drunk, you couldn't sleep, and we had our first time," Takashi said. "Does that check out?"

"Sort of, yeah." 

"I meant to tell you then," Takashi said. "I wanted to tell you I was sorry while I still had some time left with you."

"It was one hell of an apology."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Don't you fucking start."

Takashi laughed. "I missed hearing you cuss."

"Fuck," Adam declared. "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck."

Takashi was laughing so hard he was crying. Or maybe he was just laughing and the tears happened to fall at the same time. He looked so devastatingly happy and sad and hopeful and desperate at the same time that Adam took him in his arms again. He noted with some satisfaction that he was still marginally taller than Takashi.

"You want to move back in?" Adam offered softly.

"That sounds nice." Takashi's voice cracked. "I lost a T-shirt before Kerberos. Gray V-neck. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"I might." Adam pressed his cheek against Takashi's hair, rubbing his face in its surprising softness. "You can come and find out."

"As long as Iverson doesn't strap me to a table again."

"I'll make sure he doesn't."

"You do that."

"Okay."

"Who's starting it now?"

"Shut up."

There was another blessed pause. Without even thinking about it, Adam pressed a kiss to the side of Takashi's head. He didn't know if Takashi felt it or not. "Come back with me, Takashi. Let the Garrison do whatever they'll do and get it over with. Let's start over."

"I can't just waltz back in there and expect them to accept me again," Takashi protested. "Besides, there's a bunch of kids here. Did you see Keith? Does he seem taller to you?"

"I can wait for them." Adam pulled away and stared into Takashi's eyes. "I waited for you."

Takashi's flesh hand cupped Adam's cheek. "Just a few hours. That's all I need. Enough to sneak the kids back in and pretend they were never a part of this. And then just meet me back here, pretend you found me, and everything can go back to normal. But for now, I need you to go back. The Garrison probably won't be too happy if they realize  _ both _ of us and a bunch of kids are missing."

"Yeah, they'll probably think we're making out in the desert or something." Adam stared at Takashi's lips. He was so  _ close _ . All Adam had to do was cross that infinite distance and just kiss him. He should have. He didn't. "You promise you'll come back?"

"I'll come back this time," Takashi promised. "I promise. 1000?"

"Sure." Adam took Takashi's hands in his, held them there for a while, and let go. "I'll let you drive back."

"All right."

Adam took one step backward, then another and another and another. Takashi stayed where he was, as if he didn't trust himself not to go back if he followed Adam. He raised his left hand in farewell when Adam keyed the hoverbike to life. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "I'll come back soon!"

"You'd better!" Adam yelled back. 

1000 couldn't come quickly enough. It was 0548 when Adam got back to the apartment. He went on a cleaning spree, trying to tidy up as much as he could for Takashi's homecoming. He even re-organized the refrigerator twice and alphabetized his tea. He tried to think of what Takashi might want or need. Probably real Earth food, which was taken care of by Adam's credit card. A warm blanket, which was waiting in the bedroom. A call to his parents, covered by Adam's phone. Cat videos, accessible from the Internet. Coffee from the teachers' lounge. Candy from Adam's office. The gray V-neck in Adam's closet. 

Adam avoided other people as much as he could. He didn't want to run into some commanding officer that would try to assign him to the Finding Shiro squad and make him miss his meeting later that morning. He just ducked into his office and hid, scrolling through all the old pictures of him and Takashi that had been in a forgotten folder on his phone.

Sneaking out was a little tricky; base security had been upped since Takashi's breakout and the disappearance of a fighter-level team. Looking at their faces, Adam recognized them as one of the teams assigned to his class next term.Lance McClain was the one whose arm Keith had broken in that fight that Adam still knew nothing about. Pidge Gunderson looked an awful lot like Matt Holt, which Adam was sure he heard a lot. Hunk Garrett had been in Adam's physics class for the past year. Shy, sweet, and smart. 

Still, Adam was on his way after only about half an hour arguing with the guard about his clearance and eventually just pulling rank. He remembered the route from yesterday, and he was at the shack in a heartbeat. He glanced at the time. 1042. 

Adam couldn't get off Takashi's hoverbike fast enough. He scrambled down to the front door. "Takashi, I'm here! Let's go!"

No answer.

"Takashi?" Adam hesitantly knocked on the door. It swung inwards. "Keith? Hello?"

The shack was completely empty, save for some shambly furniture and a wall covered in pictures, maps, and ribbons. Keith had definitely kept himself busy even after his expulsion. The single bedroom was spartan, a single bed with a tattered blanket and no pillow its only occupant. Adam pushed open the back door, facing an equally empty yard with a tree bearing — were those  _ knife marks? _

_ Maybe he's just a little late, _ Adam thought as he went back out to the front porch. He sat down on the single step there and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. It must have been hours. Adam only went back to the Garrison when it was too hot to wait outside anymore. He headed for the teachers' lounge and poured himself a cup of water.

It was then that he heard about the flying blue lion.

Adam didn't even realize the cup had fallen from his hand.

There was only one thing on his mind.

Takashi was gone.

Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in the Walmart was "The Light Behind Your Eyes" by the one and only My Chemical Romance. Contrary to what I wrote, most Neighborhood Walmarts are NOT open at one in the morning.
> 
> Also, Hacker's disease is not a real thing. There are elements to it from several other muscular diseases, but Hacker's is completely fictional.
> 
> Yeah, this was a long one. Probably the hardest chapter to write by far. One more to go, folks. One more to go.


	6. I. Takashi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takashi. Just Takashi.

 

Takashi Shirogane kept him waiting until the end.

Since Sam Holt had returned to Earth talking about hostile purple aliens and magical robotic lions, Adam had spent most of his time outside, looking at the sky, waiting for some kind of sign. Years of knowing Takashi, of loving Takashi, of missing Takashi, had turned Adam into an otherwise patient man.

Adam had seen the reports, ever since Takashi had returned to Earth and promptly flew away again. He'd heard the news. He'd known the kids — Lance with his dumb pick-up lines in the hallways, Hunk with his warm nature and healthy appetite for late-night snacks, Katie (Adam hadn't been surprised to learn that Pidge Gunderson was just a pseudonym) with her genius intellect like her brother and father, Keith . . .

What could Adam say about Keith? Keith had been more distant, more angry since Takashi had told him the truth, but he had gone near-mad when he heard the news of the Kerberos failure. He'd stopped coming to class for about three days before he'd finally snapped and gotten himself expelled. Sometimes, when Adam closed his eyes, he could still see Keith's blood-streaked fists reaching out for him like a child, and his own arms helping the boy up. He could remember thinking, _How did this even start?_

Keith had been a fighter, he always had been, but there had been a quieter, softer side to him that Adam had slowly discovered during Takashi's absences. There had been blood and sweat, but there had also been tears glistening down Keith's cheeks as he punched his way through three students, Adam, and two other teachers.

The only time Keith had called Adam was when he told him that Takashi was safe. And then he'd disappeared, and no one was any the wiser. No one seemed to care that Keith was missing, too. Sometimes, Adam would walk a few miles into the desert and pretend to watch the dust trails from Keith and Takashi's hoverbikes. Everything fell apart after Kerberos; at least now Adam knew that Keith and Takashi were both still alive.

Adam had distanced himself in the Garrison culture. He still taught his astronomy class and flew drills on Saturday mornings, but there was a quiet sort of tension that had grown between him and his students. He didn't draw on anyone's paper anymore. In fact, he hadn't changed out the ink cartridge in the Olympus for about seven months now. When your fiance goes missing in space with his halfway-adopted brother and his superior who also went missing in space shows up two years later with news of an impending war with seemingly impossible odds, arbitrary acts like pen maintenance tend to lose their importance.

Adam had started running in the mornings again. He had a feeling that Takashi, if he was forgiving, would want to run together again once he returned. Takashi, if he was forgiving, would be willing to listen. Takashi, if he was forgiving, would give him another chance. If.

Adam ran. He flew. He taught. He kept moving, but he couldn't seem to move on.

Since Takashi's second departure, Adam gave occasional thought to seeing someone else. None of those thoughts lasted very long, somewhere between one minute and two weeks. The only reason he went back for his two-week-stand was because Josh had been sweet and ambitious and funny, like Takashi had been. He had even been taken from Adam for the same reason – his career. Josh was an actor, and some studio had called him away at the end.

Josh’s new movie was set to come out in a few months. Adam quietly wondered if Earth had that kind of time. There was something that Josh had said that had stuck in Adam’s head since their last night together. “You never can keep your head where you are, can you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Adam had asked, squinting through blurred eyes for his glasses. They hadn't gone all the way. They never did. Not since the first time Josh had seen him shirtless and noticed the ring hanging between his Garrison tags. He only asked one question, and Adam had replied, "Ex-fiance." It was almost true, and Josh had believed it. That was all that had mattered. There had been no further questions, and there had been no other answers. It was what it was.

Josh had leaned back in bed while Adam had put his shirt back on. “If you hadn’t been so hung up on the past, you wouldn’t have met me. And if you weren’t so worried about the future, you'd get yourself out of here. The Garrison's killing you, and you can't even realize it.”

Adam had been so close to having Takashi back for good – but then Keith had gone and snatched him away. At first, Adam had been angry. He had every right to be. But as the years slipped by, that anger faded into defeat. Keith had simply loved Shiro more than Adam had loved Takashi.

"All pilots of November Squadron, please proceed to Airfield One for routine morning drills."

The announcement came as it always did, every morning at 0630 hours. Adam had learned to be wide awake an hour ahead, which wasn't a problem, considering how little sleep he got these days. Like any capable squadron leader should, he was already in his fighter when his squadmates arrived. He knew all nine of them by name, even if he only referred to their callsigns while training. Adam's own callsign was Silver, since he was the oldest November pilot at the golden age of thirty-two.

The irony was that Takashi's last name also meant silver.

"Morning, Commander!" That was Ania Petronowski, callsign Wildcat. She was the most optimistic pilot Adam had ever met, and probably the only optimist in their squadron. Adam raised a hand in greeting as his pilots took to their fighters. There was little chatter this morning, as per usual. Adam knew that most of November Squadron was here because of their love and talent at flying. Adam had only one of those. It was difficult to love something that had come between you and the person you loved most in the world. Still, he treated his fighter and pilots with civility.

Wildcat, Titan, Mango, Seahawk, Maverick, Enterprise, Chrome, Greenie, and Chip. Those were Adam's pilots. He didn't know how most of them earned their callsigns, but Maverick was a spitting image of Tom Cruise and Enterprise knew so many random facts about Star Trek that Adam could guess at their names' origins.

"All right, men and gentle-ladies," Adam said, checking his helmet's comms channels. "It says here that they've got us running Alpha-Three, Alpha-Four, and Beta-Five today. We'll just go in order, then. Sound off."

One by one, his team called in, their signals flashing nine green lights next to Adam's elevation screen. He flipped a few remaining switches and settled himself in his seat, the canopy lowering with a soft hiss. "On my mark."

Adam breathed deeply, exhaling slowly before pushing his throttle forward. His fighter, a slim and silver Echo Seven, jerked forward slightly before taking off. His other nine pilots followed him in a double arrow formation, Wildcat and Enterprise on his left flank, Chrome and Titan on his right, while Maverick led the others in a replication of their formation ten meters below. They cruised steadily for a few seconds before breaking off into a boomerang and banking sharply to the left. They regrouped into a diamond with Adam at the lead, then split into two W's. All the while, Adam tapped his fingers against his throttle, counting the seconds as he'd watched Takashi do so many times.

Takashi. He had been gone for one thousand, eight hundred and ninety-one days. Five years, two months, four days.

Was he even coming back?

"Whoa, easy there, Silver." Adam hadn't even realized he'd been listing until Maverick commed in. He adjusted a little too quickly, and his fighter jerked forward, throwing him against his safety straps.

Adam kept his tone light. "Guess I could do with an extra coffee."

Wildcat laughed. "Yeah, we all could."

Everyone knew that Adam hated coffee.

Adam stared at his instrumentation and the picture wedged between two barometers. His hands and feet moved the throttles and pedals like clockwork as his fingers counted out the movements. As soon as Takashi had been swept away by space again, Adam had taken the picture from the instructors' lounge home and promptly thrown it against a wall. Glass had gone everywhere, but Adam had been able to retrieve the picture inside. He'd forgotten about the note on the back that Takashi had written — _Sorry to interrupt the festivities, but we just became the most badass power couple in the Garrison._ Takashi and his dumb sci-fi references and his dumb illegible cursive that Adam only knew how to read because he was a teacher.

Adam had read every single book that Takashi had left behind, from _1984_ to _Stranger in a Strange Land._ He watched all the movies. It had taken him more tries than he was proud to admit to get through _Spirited Away._ Takashi had said it was the best Studio Ghibli movie out there. He didn't mention that it was also the saddest. Adam could keep a straight face through _Grave of the Fireflies_ while Takashi was a sobbing mess, but there was something about Chihiro and Haku's relationship that made Adam cry like a baby every time he saw it.

Maybe it was because he'd never know if they ever got to see each other again.

Adam suddenly remembered that he never got Takashi to see the final Blade Runner movie. They really should have skipped _2164_ and gone straight to _2209._ But no, Adam had insisted that Takashi had to suffer through the same thing that every other Blade Runner fan had suffered through. It was basically revenge for the time when Takashi had made Adam sit through all five Star Wars prequels (not including _Rogue One_ and _Kenobi_ , because those were actually good) in one day. Without popcorn. While he was quoting ancient memes the whole time.

The drills took up most of the morning. It was 1200 when November Squadron set down to refuel and eat for half an hour before heading to the simulators for another five hours of basic training, shooting, and indoor drills. Then a half-hour dinner, then miscellaneous briefings and updates. There was no time to take breaks, not when the fate of Earth was at stake. The only reprieve Adam found from his rigorous schedule was teaching, when November would be led by his first wingman, Tanner Spurlock, callsign Maverick. If Spurlock had other duties, then leadership would pass to Wildcat. Even in the squadron of the world's greatest pilots, there was still a chain of command.

There were times when Adam doubted his capability of leading such an elite group. Still, if Takashi was leading an intergalactic alien alliance with a group of robotic lions, a castle, and God knows how many other spaceships, the least Adam could do was lead nine pilots here on Earth. At least now Adam could understand how Takashi could live on nothing but microwave ramen and cherry Cokes for weeks. Adam no longer had much time to actually cook meals. He should. Sometime.

Adam found it strange how he actually outranked Takashi now. Takashi had been a lieutenant when he had left, while Adam had ascended to Commander in that time and earned the third stripe on his shoulders. There was also a golden cord that went under his right shoulder that signified him as a squadron leader. He hadn't earned any medals; quite frankly, he didn't expect to. Even though a war was coming, it hadn't happened yet, and most medals were awarded only when you lost a part of yourself fighting.

Sometimes even all of yourself.

When Adam crashed back in the apartment that night at 2200, he was ready to sleep. He shrugged off his uniform jacket and threw himself on the couch. If he got in bed right now, he didn't think he'd wake up in time for drills tomorrow. He dragged his tablet out of his bag and absently glanced at tomorrow's training schedule. Emergency procedures, shooting drills, physical training, and defense protocol Beta Two.

Adam rummaged around in his bag again, searching for his contacts. He'd gotten down to getting a pair when mandatory shooting drills were announced for every officer regardless of position. He only wore the contacts in practice since the range's goggles didn't fit over his glasses. Practically speaking, the contacts were pretty impractical. They took an unholy amount of time to put in and even longer to take out. Besides, if things really did get to the point where Adam had to abandon his ship for a gun, he doubted anyone would care if he just charged out wearing his diamond-rim glasses.

In the time it took to put in the dumb contacts, Adam could have already killed some purple bastards.

Adam hooked his tablet up to a charger and plugged in a pair of earbuds. He stuck in the right earbud and scrolled through his music library. Nothing really jumped out at him, so he selected _play_ _all_ and hit _shuffle._ The first song that came up was Green Day's "21 Guns". Adam hadn't realized how loud his volume was turned up until the opening guitar chords slammed  into his ears. He almost fell off the couch as he searched for the volume adjuster, and his glasses subsequently fell off his face. It was supposed to be a soft song, for crying out loud!

Adam sighed and pushed them back on, pretending to try to get comfortable. It was still summer, so he didn't need a blanket or anything. The couch arm wasn't the most relaxing headrest, and the cushion that Adam had put there didn't really make it better. He didn't close his eyes. If he were going to sleep, he would have just left his glasses off.

God _damn_ it. The annoying thing about insomnia was that it made you tired, but it wouldn't let you sleep. Adam rolled onto his side, effectively squishing his glasses, and swore under his breath. On one hand, if he took them off, he could lay a little more comfortably. On the other hand, if he took them off, he couldn't see a damn thing.

Adam rolled back onto his back and powered up his tablet again. In the side of the case was a stylus, which Adam got out and twirled between his fingers. He opened his singular drawing app, twisted the charging cable out of the way, and opened a new canvas. Adam had switched over to drawing on his tablet only recently, since it was easier to just buy more data than go out and find decent-grade sketchbooks. And besides, his tablet was usually on his person the whole day.

Adam had recently discovered the sparkle pen tool in the app, which might have been problematic if he were twelve. But no, he was thirty-two, and he had recently started a series of human silhouettes filled with stars and planets and galaxies and nebulas. He figured that if things at the Garrison ever went south, he could make his living selling prints or something. The sparkle pen was for when he didn't feel like drawing out each individual star with a regular white pen. After all, if he didn't like it, it was hell to keep pressing _undo_ about four hundred times.

There were a few pictures that Adam had been working on that he should have opened instead. He never knew where to start on a blank canvas. Sometimes, there'd be something on his mind that he didn't even realize was there until he started drawing. Other times, he'd just find a lyric he liked from a song he was listening and draw it out. Adam shifted his focus to "21 Guns" and started really listening.

 

_When it's time to live and let die,  
_ _And you can't get another try.  
_ _Something inside this heart has died.  
_ _You're in ruins.  
_ _One, twenty-one guns, lay down your arms, give up the fight.  
_ _One, twenty-one guns, throw up your arms into the sky,  
_ _You and I._

 

Shit. Well, that hit close to home. Adam put his stylus to his lips, thinking as he looped the song. He scanned the color chart, looking for something that worked for him. He settled on a warm orange watercolor, streaking it across the screen. He mixed in some yellows and blues for a soft desert sky. He had just started blending the colors together when he realized he should probably work on lesson plans for tomorrow. Adam took out his earbuds, powered off his tablet, and swung his legs off the couch.

Adam headed into the kitchen. There were mugs everywhere, ranging from mostly empty to half-full with the teabag still there. Adam grabbed one that he decided looked the cleanest, rinsed it once, and filled it with tap water. He microwaved it and stirred in a spoonful of honey. He didn't need help staying awake. He just needed help staying on task.

Adam had pretty much turned the bedroom into a second office, something he knew Takashi would definitely not approve of. In a way, Adam did it almost to spite him. It was like a bargain between him and the ex-fiance that didn't even know the bargain existed.  He fired up his sleeping laptop, glanced through the worksheets and notes he'd prepared, and closed it again. It was fine enough. If all else failed, he could make something up as he went. Find a demonstration or experiment online or something. It was only physics, after all.  

Adam drummed his fingers lightly on his keyboard, reviewing tomorrow's drills in his head. He went through formations and timings, who was on which side of whom in what order and when. He caught himself overthinking it and sighed. Josh was right. He couldn't think of anything except what would happen tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. And the next week. And the next month.

He didn't even pretend to hope for next year. If Sam was right, the Galra would descend long before then. If his Atlas project wasn't complete by then, the only hope for the Garrison's Southwest base was the particle barrier that Sam had just finished constructing and outlasting the Galra. Adam was high enough in the chain of command to know what they didn't tell the lower-ranking officers — Earth had little hope of withstanding a full-scale invasion without the Atlas or Voltron.

Voltron.

It sounded like something out of a comic book — five magical robotic lions that fused together into a giant robotic man with a sword. It sounded completely ridiculous, but Adam had seen the tapes that Sam had brought back. It was real. And Takashi was out there, flying in the Black Lion, its leader. Sam had said that Keith was working with some other organization called the Blade of Marmora that sounded a lot like a space CIA. Adam wasn't sure why he wasn't also with Voltron — the Blue Lion had taken five passengers, after all. That was one for each lion. Maybe they'd gotten separated somehow.

Adam heard from Sam that it was harder to contact the rebel forces and Blade of Marmora in the past few years, since some prince had disappeared and left the empire in chaos. Matt hadn't been able to talk in a year, and there had been no contact with the Blade since Sam had landed.

Adam just hoped that when Voltron landed, they could get hold of Keith. If they'd been separated since the start, Takashi must have been worried sick this entire time. Keith was pretty much the little brother that he'd never been able to have. Honestly, though, Adam wasn't as worried as he might once have been. He had seen the shack Keith lived in. He had no idea how the kid had supported himself, but he'd managed somehow. Even in space, Adam didn't doubt Keith would find a way to survive.

Adam was just disappointed that the other kids' families got messages from them, but he got nothing from Keith or Takashi. During Sam and Colleen's semi-illegal broadcast that had won them so much support and funding, there was no word. Sure, he'd been glad do see Lance and Hunk and Katie, but he had hoped.

Adam made up likely excuses in his head. Maybe Takashi hadn't had time, being the leader of Voltron and all. Maybe they had run out of storage space on the communicator, and Takashi had let the kids talk to their families first. Maybe Takashi _had_ recorded a message, but it hadn't saved. Maybe Takashi had been in recovery after some other space battle and hadn't gotten a chance. Maybe Takashi had been on some far-off world negotiating peace or surrender terms and had completely missed Sam Holt. Maybe Takashi had his own communicator and recorded a message but couldn't upload it to Sam's. Maybe Takashi had gotten stranded on an ice planet and by the time the messages were being recorded, he was still too hypothermic to say anything. Maybe Takashi didn't know what to say and kept putting it off like the procrastinator he wasn't and before he knew it, Sam was heading back to Earth.

There was also the completely real possibility that Takashi just didn't care anymore. Or he cared, but there were other things more important than sitting down for not even _two minutes_ and letting his ex-fiance know he was all right and still alive.

Ex-fiance?

That had been what Adam had told Josh during their brief fling. Takashi was only _sort of_ an ex. After all, they'd broken up before Kerberos, and they'd _sort of_ made up when Takashi crashed back on Earth. Adam had suggested getting new rings to replace their old ones, which was _sort of_ a proposal, if you thought about it. And Takashi had _sort of_ accepted. And they'd _sort of_ agreed to try to rebuild the life they had together before Kerberos. Sort of. It had been five years. The exact words had faded from Adam's memory, but he still remembered exactly how Takashi's hair had felt against his cheek, how Takashi's body had felt in his arms, how when he had held Takashi's hands, he had held one soft and flesh, the other hard and metal. He remembered Takashi saying, "Stress does terrible things to a person" and the two of them incredulously laughing for some reason. He couldn't remember what had prompted Takashi to say that.

Adam didn't remember falling asleep, but at some point, he found himself in his Echo, twisting in the air through a storm of gunfire. He shot through the atmosphere as Galra missiles sailed toward him, their fighters swarming the Garrison base he was trying to reach. He heard himself yelling something, which was strange, because he didn't dream in sound.

Adam watched in slow motion as everything around him descended into flames. It was all he could do to keep flying. He had the crazy dream-notion that if he could reach the ocean and sweep up the water there, he'd be able to save the base. He had no idea which way to go, but somehow the ocean found him, like how things in dreams often find you. It was then that Adam knew exactly that he was dreaming, because the Galra fighters on his tail simply disappeared.

Adam touched down near the water and got out, suddenly realizing that he hadn't been wearing a helmet this entire time. Or his flight suit, for that matter. In fact, Adam couldn't really make sense of what he was wearing, something between casual and unrecognizable.

 _Adam._ It wasn't a voice that Adam would have recognized if he'd been awake, but his dream self turned towards the speaker, a blurred figure standing in the water like a mirage.

 _Takashi._ Adam ran towards him, through the heavy waves and sinking sand, arms outstretched. Takashi smiled sweetly at him, and Adam felt all of fifteen years old again. Adam tried to close his arms around Takashi's waist, but Takashi passed right through him, disappearing into the wind.

 _Over here._ Adam whirled around and saw him again, waving from a spot a few meters off. Adam rushed towards him again, only for Takashi to disappear again, his lighthearted laugh echoing in Adam's mind.

_Takashi, come back._

_Over here._

_Where are you?_

_Over here._

_Come here._

_Over here._

Something in the air had changed. Adam suddenly felt cold, so cold. He needed to get out of the water before he froze to death. He lifted one foot, but it felt like lifting tungsten through sorghum. He dragged himself a few agonizing steps toward the shore before giving up. He sank to his knees in the quicksand ocean, fighting to keep his head above the waves. The shore looked so _close,_ like Adam could just reach out and touch it. The water was dragging him down, waves gliding over his head. Strangely enough, Adam didn't feel like he was drowning. Hell, he was actually _breathing underwater._

Adam let himself go beneath the surface, exhaling slowly. The salt didn't sting his lungs like he thought it would. He could have sworn he was standing on solid sand earlier, but the ocean floor disappeared from under his feet, and he just kept sinking.

Takashi's laugh flooded his senses again. _Over here._

Adam's body suddenly seemed to realize that it needed oxygen, but he couldn't will himself to the surface. Some part of his brain convinced the rest of him that Takashi was waiting for him at the bottom of the ocean, that all he needed to do was let go. So he did.

And then a bright light shone above him, beckoning.

And then he was falling.

And then he was sinking.

And then he was drowning.

And then he woke at nearly three in the morning, Takashi's name still on his lips.

It took a few moments for Adam to realize that he was actually awake this time and nowhere near his fighter or the ocean. Come to think of it, the dream didn't really make much sense. Adam amounted it to stress, even though he wasn't what he was actually stressed about. Sure, the prospect of an oncoming war between Earth and the most hostile alien race in the universe would be stressful to most people, but then again, Adam wasn't most people.

He lay there on the couch for a while, alone with his thoughts. The coming war was hard on everyone, especially since most officers Commander and up already knew that they didn't really stand a chance without Voltron, and no one had any idea where Voltron was. Sam had been trying to get in contact with them for the past three years with no success. Still, Adam felt strangely at peace. Could it be that he still hadn't fully accepted that the Galra were coming like everyone else had? Was there a part of him that still imagined that all of this was just a bad dream, despite all the drills and exercises he'd had to go through?

 _How can you be so calm about all of this?_ Adam remembered Keith asking him that question after the Kerberos memorial service. Now it was a little voice in the back of his mind asking him a very similar thing. _Why are you so calm about all of this?_

_You were expecting this, weren't you?_

_You were hoping for something like this, weren't you?_

_You want to get out there, don't you?_

_You don't actually care about the war, do you?_

_You're just trying to see if he actually shows up, aren't you?_

_You're ready to go down fighting for something you don't even believe in, aren't you?_

_You knew that this was never about you, didn't you?_

Even if Adam didn't want to admit it, the answer to the little voice in his head was _yes._ It wasn't like he could have said anything different. Adversity affected him heavily but quickly. Once the initial shock wore off, though, Adam was in a purely logical state of mind. There was no sense in _not_ being prepared for the worst. Everyone else was, so he had to, too.

Adam turned his head, willing himself to fully wake up. His tea from a few hours ago was still on the coffee table, almost completely cold. Adam swirled it around, breaking up the honey in it, and took a long drink. The honey had thickened out of the water, but it still tasted fine.

Adam realized he had slept in his Garrison uniform, and that it was all wrinkled. He sighed. This was definitely not the first time, and he had extra uniforms, but he hadn't gotten around to doing the laundry for about two weeks. He had an ancient iron somewhere in the apartment. Somewhere.

For now, Adam just shrugged off his uniform and changed into faded jeans and a purple flannel over a black T-shirt. He'd be back in time to change.

Slipping his phone and ID into his back pocket, Adam slid out the door. The lights were still out, but he could pretty much do whatever he wanted at whatever time of night he wanted. The perks of being a commander.

Since the particle barrier had been successfully tested, it was on at twenty-percent twenty-four-seven. Even at five percent, there was nothing Earth-made that could get through it. The Galra, however, were a different story. Twenty percent was enough to hold them off long enough for the Garrison to get themselves together if there was some sudden ambush. If Sam was right, the Galra already developed hyperspeed ships, but they were working on wormhole tech, too. Adam hoped that they weren't too far along in the latter.

Adam walked along the edge of the barrier. It wasn't particularly hot or bright; in fact, he could touch it with his bare hand and not get burned. The particle barrier gave off an almost eerie orange glow, dimly outshining the stars beyond. Hands in his pockets, Adam continued along his way to Maintenance Garage Three, which was where Adam had moved Takashi’s hoverbike once the particle barrier had been constructed. These days, everything was connected by aboveground and underground armored tunnels, and one required a special pass on one’s ID to get past the particle barrier. Adam was one of the lucky ones who had clearance. He wouldn’t get to enjoy it much longer. As soon as the Galra touched down, every Garrison base had orders to go on lockdown.

“Hey there,” Adam whispered to the _Oklahoma Freedom Eagle._ He reached under the seat for the keys. He’d gotten better at driving the bike in Takashi’s absence. He could understand now why Takashi ignored every speed limit sign he could. Going as fast as he possibly could was liberating and invigorating. Driving was the only thing that really made Adam feel like the world wasn’t ending these days. “We’re going out for a ride.”

The hoverbike rumbled to life, and Adam pushed her slowly towards the western gate, the one closest to the highway that led to Plaht City. He flashed his ID badge at the guards there, and they let him go. It wasn’t the first time Adam had gone out on an insomnia-induced night ride, but it could very possibly be the last.

Once Adam hit the road, he gunned the bike as fast as he could. There was no one out on the highway. No one would have stopped him from going about fifty kilos per hour over the speed limit. It was then that Adam realized that he’d forgotten about getting a helmet, or even just goggles. He slowed down marginally when the wind blistered his face and a mosquito smashed against his cheek.

He rode for about half an hour in silence. Not that there was anything to talk about or anyone to talk to. Nope, just him and the soft roaring of Takashi’s bike. The moon was only a frowning sliver in the sky. Adam wondered if Takashi would be impressed with his new driving skills. Hopefully, when Takashi got back, Adam could just bluff his way through mechanics. He had no idea how the hoverbike worked, but he did figure out how to install blinkers on the thing so that he didn’t have to raise his arm at every turn. Hopefully, Takashi wouldn’t mind.

Adam encountered only one other vehicle on the road – a Garrison supply truck. He assumed it was going to the place he’d just left. He wondered where it had come from. It was probably carrying provisions, weapons, fuel, things like that. The rest of the world already knew that they were preparing for siege, but Adam still felt like he was hoarding some huge secret whenever he thought of the war.

Adam saw the lights of Plaht City long before he saw the city itself. He’d never been one for urban life – that had been Takashi – but he could appreciate the city’s beauty. All the lights glimmered in their windows like stars that had been plucked from the sky and placed inside buildings. Adam drove through sleeping streets, each traffic light turning a surprised green when it saw him. He had one destination in mind, one that was open all hours of the day.

Adam had pretty much memorized the route to the city park, even if he’d forgotten what the park itself was called. Wild Something, he thought. He drove through one of the bike paths, the scent of spruce and ferns enveloping his breaths. At one particularly large spruce tree with a trunk cleft in three parts, Adam slowed down and parked the bike under a low-hanging branch. He locked the brakes and took the keys with him. In addition to blinkers, Adam also put in an alarm system. He’d been pretty surprised to discover that Takashi hadn’t installed one.

The grass whispered under Adam’s feet as he crossed some patches of foliage to the spot he was looking for. Just a line of trees away, there were three bronze memorial statues with holographic plaques behind them. There was a rail around the display to keep the kids out, but Adam ignored the rail, stepping over it and into the memorial. He avoided the plaque in the ground. He already knew what it said.

 

_Honoring the lost astronauts of Kerberos One._

_Samuel Holt_

_Matthew Holt_

_Takashi Shirogane_

Technically, the memorial was outdated and could have been taken down, since no one had died. Still, the city and the Garrison had elected to keep it. Before Sam had come back, Adam had come here with Colleen often. Sometimes, she still came for her missing children, but with all the work she was doing at the Garrison and fear of missing a message from Voltron, she visited less frequently. Colleen Holt was a near-constant presence at the Garrison. Since she’d retired to take care of her children however many years ago that was, everyone seemed to have forgotten that she was just as sharp as Sam, if not smarter.

Adam stepped up to the marble platform that the statues stood on. The statues were shaped so that it looked like they had been caught mid-stride as the figures were walking right off the platform. They were so lifelike that they could walk away and Adam wouldn’t be surprised. He had tried to find out who the sculptor was, but he came up with nothing. Perhaps whoever it was had wanted to stay anonymous.

The middle one was a clean-shaven Sam Holt. If it weren’t for the statue, Adam might have forgotten that there had indeed been a point in Sam’s life when he didn’t have his beard. There was a boyish look in Sam’s eyes as he stared straight ahead, his mouth set in a firm and confident smile. His right shoulder was forward, his arms at his sides.

The one on the right was Matt. His arms were raised a little higher than Sam’s. One of his feet barely touched the marble, as if he were running. His head was tilted towards the statue on Sam’s left, his grin wide like there was some hidden joke between them.

It was to the last statue that Adam devoted his attention for the night. The statues were supposed to be life-size, but Takashi was definitely _not_ taller than Adam. Other than that, though, the artist had gotten everything pretty much perfect, down to Takashi’s lopsided smile. For some reason, Takashi was the only one carrying a helmet, tucking it under his arm as he looked at the space between Matt and Sam. Maybe it was the artist’s way of saying, _he’s the pilot._

Adam sat down on the marble by Takashi’s feet and craned his neck up at the holographic display behind him. There were pictures from Takashi’s piloting exercises and swimming-pool training with Sam and Matt. Italicized sentences and quotes floated by, describing Takashi’s upbringing and inspiration. Not a word of it mentioned his Hacker’s, but there was a small section about Adam himself.

_Shirogane was engaged to fellow pilot and Garrison officer Adam Wright prior to leaving for Kerberos. Wright had accompanied him to several missions across the terrestrial solar system and the first manned flight to Saturn._

And then there was the picture from the instructors’ lounge, when Adam and Takashi had their arms around each other once they landed from Saturn. They had both looked so much happier then, high on being in love, unsuspecting of the coming future. If either one of them had known what was going to happen to them, Adam wondered, would they still have gone on as long as they did? Maybe even longer?

The hologram continued,

_In describing his late fiance at the memorial service, Wright said, “I’m not the only one grieved by the Kerberos failure today. All of us know it was something that shouldn’t have happened, but it did. And now we’ve lost not only the greatest pilot of our generation but also a beloved leader, mentor, partner, and friend.”_

Had Adam really said that? He couldn’t remember. The service had passed by in a blur. He’d left early because he couldn’t bear the fact that it was all just a show, that no one was really grieving, that everyone else who saw it on the news or was there lapped up the lie like a parched dandelion. He couldn’t stand people’s genuine sympathy at a false cover-up.

Leave it to whoever was in charge of the Kerberos memorial to pick the best part of whatever Adam had said and slap it on what was effectively Takashi’s tombstone. The memorial was a kind gesture in everything but that part. It wasn’t like Adam wanted the entire world to know that he and Takashi had broken off their engagement, but he didn’t want the memorial to make him feel like Takashi was some absolutely perfect soulmate. No, Takashi had his own flaws, and Adam had his. It was just part of being human. As far as Adam could tell, the memorial had done well for Sam and Matt.

Takashi, on the other hand, sounded more like some superhero than a real person. Achievement after achievement glowed on the hologram, medals earned and records set. The list went on and on. Adam was pretty sure that it had gotten longer since the last time he’d visited. Maybe someone had read Takashi’s Wikipedia page and found something new.

Adam stood up and studied statue-Takashi’s face. He still couldn’t get over how good the artist had been. Takashi’s bangs were flying over his head in an intangible breeze, and Adam almost reached up to touch them. He put his hands in his pockets for good measure and stepped back over the rail, watching the memorial from behind it.

The light noise of footsteps padded from a few meters away, and Adam’s head jerked in that direction. There was a young woman jogging towards him, a flashlight band throwing light every which way from around her forehead. Adam waved a hand to make sure he’d been seen, and the woman gave a sudden start, halting to a stop.

“Hell’s bells, you scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry.”

The woman looked from him to the memorial and back to him again. “You come here a lot?”

“Just when nobody’s looking.”

“Yeah, I get that.” The woman gestured to the statues. “You think the other two are coming back sometime?”

“Hope so.”

There was a moment of silence where Adam and the woman watched the words on the holograms fade by, their dim orange light seeping into the bright yellow light of the woman’s headband. Adam watched himself and Takashi again, watched his own forgotten quote float across the screen. The woman made pointed at the picture of Adam and Takashi. “That ain’t you, is it?”

“No,” Adam lied impulsively. “Just some guy that I happen to look like.”

“Ah.” The woman didn’t look convinced, but she played along. “I guess you get that a lot.”

Adam sighed softly. “Yeah.”

The woman gestured at a picture of the Holts that had come up on Matt’s screen. “That poor mother. First her husband, then her kids? I couldn’t do it if I were her.”

“Colleen Holt’s probably the strongest woman I know,” Adam said, staring at the picture long after it had melted away. “Maybe even the strongest woman in the universe.”

“Can’t imagine what that must be like,” the woman said. “Being the strongest woman in the universe.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not even the strongest woman in my family.”

“Yeah?”

“That’d be my sister.”

“Ah.”

“You think them aliens are really coming here?”

Adam shrugged. “They might. They might not. Either way, the Galaxy Garrison’s working on planet-wide defenses for a possible invasion. They’ve built a particle barrier that can withstand the force of five nuclear bombs and connected the entire Southwest Base underground and reinforced the bomb shelters. They’re doing what they can with what they have. We might not even be able to mount a counterattack.”

“Counterattack?” The woman’s eyes widened slightly. “Easy there, soldier. Them aliens might not even show up at all. Hell, maybe there’ll be some talking sense into them if they do. Don’t you be worrying your pretty little face about it too much, hon.”

Adam stared at her quizzically and blurted out, “I’m gay.”

The woman laughed. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything, but I’m bi.”

“Oh.”

The woman laughed again. “You should see the look on your face.” She patted Adam’s arm. “I hope your astronaut comes back, soldier. I know from experience that it’s always worth the wait. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, and you look like you’ve been through enough. Be careful out there.”

Before Adam could say anything in reply, the woman was gone again, her flashlight bouncing up and down until it disappeared. That word that she had used – _soldier._ What was that supposed to mean?

Adam took out his phone. It was a little over half past four in the morning. Takashi’s face still beamed at Adam from the lock screen. He hadn’t changed it since Icarus. God, how long ago was that? Almost ten years now. Adam wondered how long, cumulatively, he’d had to be without Takashi. Five years since his return, two years of Kerberos, three weeks of Icarus, various other missions at various other times – Adam lost track of the math somewhere around nine and a half years. Nine and a half years. And that wasn’t even everything.

Adam took a long look at Takashi’s statue again. Since he was fifteen years old, his life had centered around his best friend and partner. It was only seventeen years ago, but seventeen years was a long time to forget who you were before you met the person who completely changed your life. Maybe that was why he didn’t feel stressed out or anxious or anything about the oncoming war. Maybe he just couldn’t feel things like that in Takashi’s absence. It wasn’t like losing a limb or a lung or any part of the body that could be replaced.

It was like forgetting how to function.

“I’ll be back when I can,” Adam whispered to the memorial. “All of you. I'll come back.”

There was no answer. Adam hadn’t really been expecting one.

He turned away and headed back through the brush to Takashi’s hoverbike. The grey and beige vehicle sat expectantly under the triple-trunked spruce, and Adam swung his leg over the seat, keying it to life.

The way back to the base seemed shorter than the way to the park, and Adam cleared himself inside once more. He walked the bike back to the garage and covered it with a large canvas tarp. Part of the tail stuck out, but there wasn’t anything Adam could do about that.

He glanced at his phone. It was almost five. That was fine. Adam usually got up around this time, anyway.

There was nothing to do besides go back to the apartment. Even though he wanted to, Adam couldn’t show up to training in a purple flannel. He took a quick and cold shower in the apartment before shrugging on his uniform, packing his bag lightly, and heading back out again.

Adam stepped onto the airfield just as the sun began to rise, a red-orange disk framed in purple and gold. He shielded his eyes as he watched the sun start another day at the Garrison. Another day of drills, practice, exercises, and reminders of what was coming. He rummaged in his bag and found his daily schedule again. Beta Two for two hours in the morning, followed by formation tactics and maneuvers. He checked the tablet for any updates. None. Adam exhaled slowly. Seemed like another quiet day at the Garrison.

Like always, Maverick was the first one to the airfield after Adam. He waved a hand in greeting. "Morning, Commander Silver."

"Morning, Lieutenant Commander Maverick." God, that was a mouthful. Someone needed to promote Maverick before Adam tripped over his own tongue.

"Beta Two, right?"

"You got it."

Maverick grinned, hooking his thumbs in the straps of his flight suit. "So, me and the others — we were thinking, since we have a few hours open on Saturday — we were thinking about going out to the city and having a nice, non-Garrison dinner. Maybe a couple beers or something. You wanna join us?"

"Sure, yeah," Adam replied. For good measure, he smirked and added, "Someone's going to need to drive y'all home."

Maverick laughed and clapped Adam's shoulder. "Awesome. We'll figure out a place sometime later."

_"All pilots of November Squadron, please proceed to Airfield One for routine morning drills."_

Maverick gestured in the general direction of the speakers. "Someone needs to change that announcement. Same thing every day gets kinda boring, huh, Silver?"

Adam shrugged. "It doesn't need to remind me anymore."

Maverick chuckled at that. The others had started trickling in from wherever their barracks were, and with another wave, Maverick headed to his own ship. Adam climbed up in his and settled himself in his seat. He glanced up at the sky, through the particle barrier. A few clouds had moved in that hadn't been there before.

Not that it would make much of a difference. The Echo Sevens were the best all-weather ships the Garrison could supply. There had been a motion to let November Squadron fly the prototype MFE's, but Admiral Sanda had vetoed it. It was far too risky to give the most experienced pilots in the world untested ships to fly against the Galra. For now, the MFE's were being flown by cadets, which Adam didn't really mind. He knew the kids — they were all excellent fliers.

He had just hoped, in some corner of his minds, that they would get to stay away from the war longer than they would be. There would come a time when Garrison tech failed and all they could rely on was Sam's Altean-Garrison integration technology. If November Squadron couldn't finish the fight, then James, Ryan, Ina, and Nadia would have to finish it for them.

In other words, Adam's team better kick ass out there.

November Squadron commed in like they did every day, and then they were in the air. Adam himself had chosen the name _November_. They could have been a color or a number or an animal or something like that, but Adam had chosen to name his team after the month when Sam Holt had returned to Earth, carrying news of the only family Adam had left. Funny enough, no one on the team had a birthday in November. Adam's was in December.

Double arrows, wide V, double trapezoids into a falling line, repeat. Then the next pattern. Then the next. And the next. Adam was halfway through a twisting barrel when he got the announcement.

 _"Wright!"_ It was Admiral Sanda.

"This is a surprise, Admiral."

_"No time for pleasantries, Commander. You need to bring November back to base immediately!"_

"Silver?" That was Titan, her voice tinged with worry.

"Admiral, what's going on?"

"We're detecting several large masses in the thermosphere." At that announcement, Adam's heart stopped in his chest. "They're here. Get back to base for immediate repair and refueling."

"Copy that." Adam's eyes narrowed. "We're on our way."

With inhuman speed, November Squadron re-entered the particle barrier and docked at their airfield. Techs and officers were already running around like ants. Two engineers were already on Adam's ship before he even got out of the cockpit. He popped open his canopy and hopped out, sliding off the wing. In his helmet comm, he said, "November Squadron, stand by. I'm going to see what's happening out there."

It turned out that Adam didn't have to run far before Commander Dos Santos came running out at him. "Wright! I'm sure you've heard already."

"Alien invasion," Adam replied. "Yeah, I got that. What are we looking at?"

"We're not sure yet," Dos Santos admitted. "At least thirty warships, hundreds, maybe even thousands of fighters. We're still waiting for a protocol from Sanda and Holt. But here's what's happening right now."

Dos Santos showed Adam his tablet, which had radar and sonar scans of the incoming ships. The Garrison bases around the world looked so tiny compared to the massive fleIn all their briefings and training exercises, Adam was not prepared for this. "Holy shit."

"Yeah." Dos Santos' face was grim. "Don't lose hope, Wright. You're one of the best pilots that's come through Southwest. It's been a while since I've had you in class, but I know what you're capable of. Whether or not Shiro and his robot crew show up, we've still got a job to do."

"Yes, sir." Adam nodded and saluted. Glancing at Dos Santos' tablet again, he knew the odds of Takashi showing up in time to save the invasion were slim at best. The Southwest base might survive, if Sam's particle barrier held on long enough.

Dos Santos clapped Adam's shoulder. "Godspeed, Silver."

"You too, Commander."

Adam was jogging back to his ship when he heard Dos Santos give his next order. "All personnel, proceed to your command stations immediately."

"This is Commander Iverson," the speaker intoned. "Initiate base defense protocol Beta Five. I repeat, initiate base defense protocol Beta Five."

Adam hopped up into his ship, nestled on his helmet, and gave a thumbs-up to the officer signaling his ship as the canopy lowered. "You heard the man. We're up!"

"Let's go kick some alien ass!" There were some whoops over Adam's comm as he flipped switches and powered up the Echo.

"All right, team, let's look alive." Adam gunned his ship forward. "Beta Five, here we come.”

There was some indistinct chatter in Adam’s helmet radio. He wasn’t sure if it was from the ground or his own pilots, but he heard something along the lines of _they’re doomed out there._

Adam chose to believe they were talking about the Galra.

November Squadron sailed toward the nearest warship, a huge purple ship that looked vaguely like an iron with some metal weapon on top. Adam wanted to finish that ship before he found out what that weapon was. He yelled, “Open fire!”

Ten plasma machine guns roared to life. Heavier projectiles zoomed upwards from the ground; the Garrison must have deployed ground forces already. Adam figured that the Garrison ground cannons would be enough to take out one ship, but every missile just exploded against some invisible force field.

 _What?_ Adam watched in horror as the giant weapon turned around and fired a single pink blast. Adam barely avoided the blast in time, and he circled around to survey the damage. That single cannon had taken out most of the Garrison ground defenses. _What the hell?_

“November, watch out for that ion cannon!” That was Sam. “Even in a five-meter radius, your ships’ integrity will fail!”

“No kidding!” Seahawk stole the words right out of Adam’s mouth.

 “Launch missiles!” Adam ordered. Maybe the ground cannons had damaged the Galra’s shields just enough for November’s missiles to make a difference. At his command, Maverick, Wildcat, Seahawk, and Chip fired their thermobaric missiles. To Adam’s dismay, their missiles also crashed uselessly against the warship’s shield.

“Shit!” Enterprise swore, twisting her ship over the shield. “Not even a single dent!”

“Our weapons have no effect on them!” Adam called as the warship returned fire. _Oh shit fuck fuckfuckfuck –_ “Evasive maneuvers!”

Adam was barely fast enough to avoid the pink beams. There was a scream over his comms that told him that Mango hadn’t been so lucky. Helplessly, he could only watch as the warship scrambled its pilots, the Galra fighters swarming like flies around a corpse. Everything was happening so fast. It was all he could do to keep moving. He hardly even had time to fire his guns.

“Wildcat’s gone,” Adam reported thickly. “Titan’s not responding.”

“Commander, I think I’m going to need a rain check – “ Maverick’s radio went silent as his ship exploded only a few meters away from Adam’s.

“I can’t shake these things!” Chrome’s frantic voice screamed over Adam’s comm. “He’s got me on target lock!”

“Hang in there!” Adam called back. “I’m headed your way!” _As soon as I get rid of the one following me._ He banked toward the shield again and rocketed down at the last possible moment, his chaser crashing into the shield.

“I can’t – No!” Another bout of static as Chrome’s ship crashed in a line of pink laserfire. Adam grit his teeth. He just had to survive. All he had to do was survive. Surviving meant dragging on the fight. Surviving meant giving Voltron even just a few more seconds to get to Earth.

“Come on, Takashi, where are you?” Adam whispered desperately as he rocked to one side, shooting all the way. He finally managed to shoot down one ship. One. Out of thousands. The picture from the frame fluttered in his peripheral vision. Takashi’s smile haunted him behind his eyelids. _Keep flying, Adam. Just keep flying. He’s on his way. You just need to buy him some time._

“Be aware, another Galra fleet is launching and approaching.” Veronica’s voice was urgent.

 _Fuck._ Adam risked a few seconds to turn his head and whirl his ship around to catch sight of the new fleet. So much trouble just to kill one fighter, and there were thousands more on the way. His heart sank down to the ground hundreds of meters below. _We’re not going to win this._

It was just him and Greenie now.

“Silver?”

“Yeah, Greenie?”

“It’s been an honor.”

Adam wanted to close his eyes, but he couldn’t risk that. All he could do was just keep moving and hope that no Galra fighter got too close. He shot uselessly. Even with a direct hit, the fighters would keep coming. Adam couldn’t even see the sky for all the laserfire and smoke. God, where was Voltron?

Where was Takashi?

“I’ve got target lock – ” Greenie’s voice was terrified, but there was also a touch of despair there, too. “No!”

Adam’s hands started shaking once he realized he was all by himself. All alone. Against multiple Galra fleets. Adam knew his own limits. He’d be lucky if he even blew up another fighter.

“Takashi,” Adam whispered. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

Adam would never know if Takashi ever came back. He would never know if Earth won the war. He would never know if Takashi had found Keith up there. He would never meet the Voltron Coalition or the Blade of Marmora or the other rebels. He would never see the MFEs launch and take out the fighters that November Squadron couldn’t. He would never see the Galra enslave humans like they had enslaved so many other races. He would never see the Atlas completed.

He would never see his own name on a memorial twenty miles from Takashi’s.

There was a burst of light from the giant cannon on the first warship.

Adam wasn’t fast enough.

He thought he screamed.

Everything happened in slow motion.

He finally had time to look at his and Takashi’s picture.

Adam thought he smiled.

He forgot that he hadn't refilled the Olympus for seven months.

There was a bright light above him, beckoning. 

And then he was falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, this has definitely been a ride. Season 8 drops next week, and then we'll see what happens then. Maybe I'll put up some more stuff by then, maybe not. Anywho, the trailer looks intense, and I'm sure the new season is going to just blow us all away. Kudos, y'all.


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